Diamond in the Making

42. Likewise

We all play a dangerous game throughout our lifetime that determines every outcome. Sometimes we are dealt good cards, while other times we get the worst of the hand.

Win or lose, it's not your choice.

Good cards lead to stacks of chips while bad cards lead to falling towers. There's a way to recover from a bad hand but there's no way to recover from a greedy win that leads to a downfall.

I've been dealt a great hand and I guess somewhere in the game I became greedy.

The game of life is a precious thing. Sometimes you have the control while other times other people take that advantage from you. I'm guilty of taking control when I shouldn't have. Taking over someone else's game to keep the lead in my own. We all try to beat death. I made the mistake of taking a life to escape my own fate and now I've done the same for Nate.

The first time it happened I blamed Daphne. She was the one who put me in that situation but after some reflection I realized I am the only one to blame. After the reality hit me, the guilt followed. It's the kind of guilt that burns you and leaves a mark.

I remember that day. It still haunts me.

Daphne wanted us to steal some drugs. She was going to give them to her dad to sell and try to prove that she would make a good leader. We were on someone else's turf and we got busted. The guy was just trying to do his job. He tried to take Daphne's purse which held all of our stolen goods. He knocked her to the ground while Daphne put up a fight. She tossed the bag to me and then his murderous eyes turned in my direction.

"Shoot him," Daphne yelled, reminding me that I held the gun.

The man kept getting closer. I looked back to the damage he did to Daphne. I'm next.

He shoved me, making me stumble. Before he could throw his punch in my direction, my fight or flight instincts kicked in.

Then the gunshot rang through the air.

I'll never forget how much my hands shook. Daphne brushed past everything telling me I did good. I sacrificed a man's life for a chance that Daphne would take on a leadership role. I was so blind to my own stupidity. He died for nothing. We were the ones in the wrong. We shouldn't have been there.

I left him bleeding out with no one around. Fucking dead. I could have turned around, I should have.

Now I did it again.

I can't keep digging these graves. If I do, the next one will be my own.

Broken. That's all I am. But can I be fixed?

Nate seems pretty determined to fix my gaping emotional wounds but we might be beyond the point of return.

I couldn't care less about Nate's relationship with Daphne at the moment. All that matters is what I did and what the repercussions of my actions are.

Nate told me his situation with Daphne and his father and all I can say is that I'm disappointed I didn't get the truth a long time ago. I thought I at least deserved that.

Knowing that Nate isn't the enemy, I let my guard fall a bit more. I'm slowly crumbling and he's here to see it. Is there a chance for our relationship? I don't know yet. I wish I had all the answers.

Are people's lives meant to be traded? It seems like that's the question I keep asking myself.

If I didn't do what I did, Nate would be six feet under. My actions spoke louder than my conscience. I still love Nate even after he broke my heart. No matter how much I tried to convince myself that he's a lying bastard, I can't seem to let the feelings I have for him pass.

Before I wave the white flag, I need to let the grief and guilt settle. No matter how much it will hurt, it needs to be done and I know I'll have Nate by my side.

~

• Two months later •

The bridge fell and now it's being built again.

I got the two months off that I needed but not where I wanted. I wasn't on a sunny beach avoiding my problems. I was in a dark room letting my demons feast on me.

Endless nights and many therapy sessions later, I've accepted it all. After acceptance is done, the next step is moving forward. Which means I need to go back to work and I need to show some gratitude to Nate for all that he's done.

I can't thank him enough for his support. He's my best friend and I don't care what has happened in the past. All I know is I can't live without him. The future is unclear. The question that plays in my imagination is will we ever get back to the way we were and be more than friends?

It may make me seem deranged and I hate to admit it after everything but I want more. My heart beats for him and only him.

Brad called me countless times. I still don't know what his intentions are but I won't be involved with him anymore.

His whole facade was dropped after a hot minute. I don't know how he expected to start doing shady shit and get away with it when he barely knows what he's doing. He ran himself into a hole. Debt, lies, cheats.

Brad was found guilty of embezzling a little less than a billion dollars. Thinking of that amount of money blows my mind already.

A few days before his trial, he paid Daphne a little visit at the wolves' bar. He fucking shot her three times. The reason is still a mystery to the authorities. An affair was possible but it didn't make sense to me. The only reason that I could think of was a double crossing situation. She sold Brad out. She got him in the dirt on his financial endeavours. I never expected any less from her. She's alway calculated.

Her death was more of a relief to me which may make me seem sick but with her gone and Brad behind bars I finally felt safe. I can live my life without constantly looking over my shoulder.

I sat relaxed on the chair by the pool. The night sky shone with different stars. The water in the pool glowed in the darkness.

"Hey," Nate said as he sat next to me. "How are you feeling today?" He asked like he did everyday.

"Better," I said confidently for the first time in a long time.

His eyes connected with mine in an instant. I bet he was expecting a different response.

"So I was thinking," I started to say while I had his complete attention. "Maybe we could go out sometime?" I shyly looked at my hands waiting for rejection.

He comfortingly put his hand on my knee grabbing my attention. "I'd love to," he said with the biggest smile.

I know we are destined to be more than friends. This is just the end of the beginning of our incredible love story.

————
Can you believe it's over?
42 chapters later.
I'm not planning on a sequel but I'm hoping to write an epilogue soon to conclude their story. Let me know if you are interested!
Thank you to everyone whose been with me for this journey. It's been a wild ride!
I love you all❤️