Diamond in the Making

8. Time to Revise

There's always that moment between consciousness and unconsciousness where everything changes. What is once peaceful is now destructive.

The unconscious mind holds everything from your deepest desires to your greatest pain. You can't stop the unconscious mind from wandering to the darkest places. The only way to rid yourself of the mind's unconscious conception is to gain consciousness. Your unconscious is unfiltered, revealing everything you thought you were able to overcome or forget. Our unconscious knows more about us than our conscience.

The moment between the two can come as a shock. First your mind starts to think through a different perspective. Then you begin to get a hold of your five senses, bringing everything that was once dormant to life again. The feeling of disorientation is common, until we find ourselves once again.

"Zara, where's the rest of the money?" Daphne asked through gritted teeth.

"That's all he gave me," I replied honestly. I would have never betrayed her.

"You fucking liar," she responded. Fearing what she might do I took a step back as she shook her head. I was sick of doing her dirty work, I promised myself this would be the last run I made. Why would I make a fool of myself now? Daphne looked to the two men standing behind her, giving a slight nod. Before I knew it they grabbed my arms, unable to protect myself, feeling hopeless.

"This will teach you to never mess with me again," she said with the biggest ear to ear grin I've ever seen as she pulled a knife off the table.

I shook my head in fear as hot tears streamed down my face. "Daphne please! I swear I'm not lying," I pleaded.

"That's enough," she snapped her perfectly manicured fingers and my mouth was covered.

Slowly but precisely she dragged the knife across my wrist. "Here's something to remind you that you should never mess with me."

Squirming in the bed, I started to feel my consciousness kick in. Feeling the soft silk sheets, the now tear stained pillow case, seeing the sun through the blinds. I quickly rid the tears from my face regaining my composure. I pushed my diamond bracelets up my arm to reveal an old scar that was poorly stitched thanks to my shaky hands. But I've seen Daphne do worse. Well not her specifically but she made others do worse for her. I was a special case for her to get some blood on her hands.

Seeing her last night was like rubbing salt in the wound. It brought everything I tried so desperately to push down back to the surface. I couldn't live like this. Running from her was a temporary fix, I realized that now. She shouldn't be in control of my life anymore and if she thinks she is, I will gladly prove her wrong. I just can't deal with her bullshit anymore.

My pounding hangover was distracting from my racing thoughts. Every memory from last night is hitting me hard. How could I have acted like such a fool? God, I'm an idiot when I'm drunk.

I think the best thing to do would be to remove myself from this situation, for now at least. But honestly Nate deserves better, who wants damaged goods anyway. I mean we might have a chance once I sort out my issues but that's not for me to decide as much as I want us to happen.

Slowly getting up off the bed, I changed back into my dress from last night. I look awful like I'm taking a walk of shame. Shit, I need to be at work. What time is it?

Unsteady on my feet, I head towards the kitchen where Nate was standing shirtless making some coffee. Tattoos cover his arms and chest, bringing my attention to his countless abs and muscles. I could practically feel myself drooling. Fuck he's hot.

"Hey, how are you feeling?" He asked casually.

I don't want to give him the wrong idea, I can't continue this anymore. Reminding myself that Daphne is back which means I need to fix that situation and work on myself before I get involved with Nate. That is if he'll even want me after I tell him the news, even the thought of it makes me sad.

Ignoring his question, I asked "what time is it?"

"11"

"I have to get to work," I said as I was about to call an Uber.

"I'll drive you home," he said like there was no other option.

"Nate, we need to talk." He gestured to me to continue. "I don't think we should...hang out anymore," I didn't really know what to call it. Like what have we really been doing?

He looked confused like he expected a different answer. Probably wanted an explanation for my bizarre behaviour. "What's going on with you?" He asked, I could tell he is concerned.

"Nothing," I lied "I just don't think it's the right time."

He just stared back in disbelief. At least I know now that he actually likes me. I was more expecting him to say something like this to me after the way I acted last night.

"Are you back with your ex?" He blatantly asked.

"God no, definitely not," I kinda laughed at the thought.

"Ok then when's the right time, because I can wait," He asked curiously. His answer warmed my heart.

"I'll let you know," I said with a smile, doubting my decision to put an end to something that started so great. I grabbed my bag and headed for the door.

"Zara, don't be ridiculous. Let me drive you." It didn't seem like there was any changing his mind.

I waited a few minutes for him to get dressed then we drove off in one of his expensive cars. No words were said throughout the entire ride. I could tell his mind was flooded with curiosity. But I just couldn't give him answers yet, I know I can trust him but I need to get my life back on track by myself.

As he pulled up to my apartment, he glanced over at me with sad blue eyes as if this is the last time he'll see me. "Nate, please don't make this harder than it has to be."

"It doesn't have to be hard. It doesn't even have to end," he said almost begging.

"It does for right now," I said, not looking him in the eyes.

He reached over putting his hand on my knee, it's a soothing gesture. "I'm here for you, whatever you need. Take as much time as you need because I'm not going anywhere. There is no one else for me," he said.

Biting my lip to fight back the tears in my eyes as a result to my stupid decision that lead to this place, I looked deep into his eyes and said the most genuine thank you before I left his car. No one has ever cared for me that much, other than my parents. Nate just knew all the right things to say.

His words touched me on a different level. He gave me something worth fighting for. Once I make it out of the dark Daphne filled road ahead of me, he would be waiting. My demons have come back to haunt me and now it was time to get rid of them once and for all. I'm ready to get my happy ending and nothing will stop me.