𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘪 𝘮𝘦𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶 | 𝙧𝙚𝙠𝙞 𝙭 𝙡𝙖𝙣𝙜𝙖

new

chapter two
new
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i woke up, yet again, with a feeling of discomfort. i repeated my morning routine, heading to school with no particular thoughts in mind.

since my father died i've been feeling weird. i've been feeling..numb? no. at least i didn't think that was the case. i still felt things, such as sadness, sometimes happiness when my mother makes my favorite meal, and sometimes i even felt excited. that was when i saw that it had been snowing outside when i was living in canada and that i could go snowboarding.

but now i didn't really feel much of anything. it seemed like nothing made me excited anymore, nothing made me happy anymore, not even when i come back home to find a plate of fresh made pancakes on the table. i didn't even feel sadness anymore.

my train of thought was interrupted when i felt a collision with somebody. i looked down to see who i stumbled with and saw that weird red hair from the other day. he looked at me with an annoyed look and i was sure that he was about to snap at me because i wasn't paying attention to where i was going. my breathing started to quicken as i began to grow panicked. i didn't want to cause any discomfort.

"well? aren't you going to help me get up?" he said with a funny look on his face. i was pretty certain that he meant that as a joke, but there were still chances that he was making fun of me, so i just stood there, looking at him, hands slightly shaking in my pockets.

i studied his facial expression and i came to a conclusion that he really was not about to laugh at me. i took a hand out of my pockets and reached out to him. he grabbed it and pulled himself up. i winced in pain as i just remembered how i fell on that arm the other day, bruising my elbow in the process.

the boy looked at me with a questioning look.

"what's wrong? did i just do that? am i that heavy oh my god?" the redhead rumbled.

"...um-no." was all i managed to say. i didn't do well in social situations, i've always struggled with anxiety and it was really hard for me to talk to people. i could already feel my heartbeat go faster as my breathing grew uncontrollable.

"hey, are you okay?" the boy said, now placing an arm against my back. "let's take you to the nurse."

i quickly shook my head my head into a "NO", wanting to tell him that i need to go to the bathroom to wash my face with cool water, but all i managed to say is a low, dry "bathroom."

reki moved along with me, his hand still not moving from my back. i appreciated the thought, but i knew that as soon as i got better he would make fun of me. i hated this. everybody in the hallway looked at me weirdly as i struggled to calm my breath that was still uncontrollable.

we reached the bathroom and the boy gave me some space to wash my face with the cooling water.

after i had finished with the water and my breath became steady again, the boy approached me without saying anything. i didn't know what to expect when his hand inched closer to my face, so i closed my eyes tightly, flinching when i felt a warm touch on my forehead.

"so you don't have a fever. what was that about?" he asked while backing away, leaning on a nearby wall, looking at me with an expecting face.

i didn't want to speak at all. my breath just became normal again and my hands almost stopped trembling, and i was afraid that it would all begin again if i tried to speak again.

"i-uhm." i tried speaking again. i wanted to tell him why i was acting this way. i didn't even know how to explain it to him because i didn't understand it so well myself.

i didn't my know why i couldn't socialize like a normal person, why i have been struggling with speaking with other people ever since i was a little kid. why it was so hard for me just to say a few meaningless words in front of a classmate. my breath began to grow unsteady yet again, but i was determined to speak up.

"i-uh.. i'm not used to-uhm. s-socializing?" i barely managed to say to the red haired boy in front of me. he was staring at me with curious eyes, wanting to learn more about me, and to be honest, i felt like i wanted him to know more about me too. i had no idea why, but i wanted to be able to tell him about me.

"the elbow, i bruised it." i said and decided to just show him instead of talking. i scruffed up my shirt and showed him a blue-ish shade of bruise plopped onto my arm right where the elbow is.

"wow. that looks like it hurts. how did you do that?"
he said as he examined my bruised arm.

"i-i was skating...a few days ago."

his head jolted up from looking at my elbow to looking at me in the eyes. i could practically see the sparkles forming in his eyes while his face grew a big curious smile.

"you skate?!" he said excitedly.

"uhm..no. i gave it a try, but i failed."

"awh man that's too bad! skating is just awesome!" i could tell that he was about to say something else but he got interrupted by the bell that announced the beginning of the classes.

"come on, let's walk to class." he said and gave me a nudge towards the door.

i was surprised about how outgoing he was. he didn't judge me at all because of my outburst earlier and he did not laugh at me because i fell while skating. moreover, he was the first person that i wanted to talk to and i couldn't let that go. i needed to at least know his name.

"say..uhm...w-what's your name again?"

he turned to look at me with a look i couldn't read. was he angry or was he amused?

"it's almost been a week and you still don't know your classmate's name? it's reki!" he said while slightly laughing.

"oh. okay." i said and we entered the classroom, taking a seat into the desk.

after the classes ended and i was about to head out of the classroom, reki called out my name:

"langa! wait up!" he said and sprinted to catch up to me. "let's talk more about skateboarding!"

"well..uh..i don't really ska-" i began to say, this time a bit easier than earlier.

"well then how did you injure yourself? you must at least have a board!!" he said as we walked out of the school grounds, now entering the road marked with beautiful, (what i've googled to learn how they were called) sakura trees.

"..i actually do. my mom bought it for me...but i want to sell it today." i said while studying his face.

he sketched a frown before saying "no way you're selling it. is there something wrong with it? why do you want to sell it?!"

"i-i'm just not good at skating..."

"i will teach you! give me your phone number!" he said while pulling out his phone from his front pocket.

i reluctantly told him my number and he placed his phone back in his pocket.

"i'll text you an address. meet me there in 30!" he said before he headed another way, most probably to his home, not letting me protest.

i've never experienced something like this before. nobody has ever been this outgoing towards me. nobody wanted to talk to me because i struggled so much with words and nobody has ever offered to help me before. is this how japanese people treat each other? or is he expecting me to grant him a favor in return as a thanks for his kindness? maybe he wanted money? if that was the case then it was too bad for reki, because i barely have any.

or maybe, just maybe, that's how genuine reki is. maybe he doesn't need anything in return and maybe he is really seeing me as a friend.

it was weird for me too. this was the first time i've actually wanted to be able to speak normally. this was the first time i've been frustrated that i wasn't able to speak like a normal person, to socialize like one normal teenager. and this was the first time i've actually looked forward to meeting someone.

it was weird. it was new.