Are we really living?//TWD

THIRTY-EIGHT

So Noah's dead. And for now on, I'm just gonna declare I don't take anyone's death well, like at all. First Rick walked up to me and rubbed my shoulder, then he said.

'Tonya, I know you don't wanna hear this but.. Noah didn't make it'

I had to take a deep breath and think for a minute. He isn't coming back, I can't teach him how to sew.

I look towards Glenn. "How did he die?" I ask him surprisingly calmly.

"We we're stuck in a revolving door, with Nicholas and he broke it then the walkers got to him. I had him." He answers saying the last part under his breath.

That sissy, coward, useless, dumbwit, dipshit, asshat, son of a bitch killed a kid that was like my own son.

"Give me a sec" I say and I turn my body away from Rick and Glenn. I want to first punch him in the face, pull out his teeth, cut off his fingers, then slice his throat.

I close my eyes then I scream on the top of my lungs while clenching my fists by my sides, feeling that sting in the back of my throat from the straining.

When I get done I start panting and I take a deep breath through my nose then I turn around back towards them, and Rick looks worried.

"You good?" He asks and I smile then I look down shaking my head.

"No I'm not 'good' Rick, when someone gets on my fucking nerves this much they fucking die!" I say raising my voice towards the end.

Glenn just raises his eyebrows, like he already knew this was coming.

"Noah would want me to take a breath and I know he always procrastinated, so later I am going to beat the holy hell out of him and no one is going to stop me" I say calmly to Rick.

He thinks for a brief second then nods in understanding, so does Glenn.

I nod once back. "I just need to leave for a second." I say while walking away from them, making my way to the armory.

I knock onto the door, and I hear someone on the other side walking in my direction.

"You are still gonna teach me how to sew when I get back right?" Noah asks me.

"Of course I will," I say sticking out a pinky, he chuckles then wraps his pinky around mine.

He never came back, to learn how to sew. I hate that I promised him something and I broke it, I hate upsetting people or disappointing people.

Especially people I care and I love, or in this case; loved.

Tbe same woman with rectangle glasses, opens the door when she saw me she frowned slightly, she's also holding a notebook in her hands.

"Yes?" She says and I put my hand behind my back.

"I need my guns" I say then I sigh. "Scooch" I say tilting my head to the side motioning her to do so.

She moves out of the door way as I walked into the little establishment.

I whistle when I see how everything is arranged, I turn over to the woman. "My apologies we never met formally, I'm Tonya" I say reaching my hand out towards her and she looks at it. "Please just shake it so I don't feel second-hand embarrassment" I deadpan.

She shook my hand slightly then I grin. "Olivia" she says shortly. She does not want to talk to me, I'm making her uncomfy.

"If you would hand me all my guns, please and thank you" I say and she nods shakingly. "I'm sorry, if I'm making you uncomfortable I can wait outside if you'd like" I suggest and she shakes her head.