𝐂𝐑𝐎𝐒𝐒𝐑𝐎𝐀𝐃𝐒, b.

[̲̅n][̲̅i][̲̅n][̲̅e][̲̅t][̲̅e][̲̅e][̲̅n] - stop. stop it. stop it!

tw: rape

"be careful jah, you're gonna crash." i giggle as jahseh swerves lightly left and right in our lane, vehicles in front of and behind us. we've rented out this golf cart and this is honestly the most fun i've had in a while, i can also tell that somehow, driving around is helping jahseh relieve some stress and let loose. he's been a little stressed out recently because of us having to jump the train and find another route; it's been a little heavy on him.

"you're gonna crash? we're gonna crash!" ski says. "nigga do you even have your learner's permit?"

"does it matter?" jahseh smirks, a low laugh escaping his mouth, as we stop at a red light.

"do our lives matter?" i question, crossing my arms, but not being able to take myself seriously because of the goofy smile on my face. "yes, they do, but let's live on the edge of life, sunshine, enjoy the thrill." he winks at me, and at this moment the light turns green and jahseh steps on the gas.

"fuck, i didn't know golf carts could go this fast." i mumble.

jahseh swerves to mess with us and i have a mini-heart attack, while ski has the same. "stop playing around, vro," he says beginning to kinda hyperventilate, "shit, i think i'm having an asthma attack."

"no, it's all them cigarettes you smoke." i laugh. jahseh laughs loudly as well and i really take in this moment, the sound of his laugh, his obnoxious laugh, and the way i can see his esophagus move in his neck- the mere sight of it makes me bite my lip.

"billie, stop staring." jahseh says with a bit of laugh still in his voice, and i look away, at the scenery in front of us, to supervise jahseh's driving and make sure we don't run into anyone. "i can't help it, you're so beautiful." i say, winking.

"spare me the bullshit." ski rolls his eyes.

"shut up nigga, you're just mad 'cause you're single." jahseh retorts.

it still hasn't registered that jahseh is my boyfriend. my. boyfriend. that's fucking insane. i have a person that i feel strongly for that has reciprocated my strong feelings and has agreed to be with me, out of respect for said feelings. something about that makes me want to explode inside.

everything about jahseh is mesmerizing.

his skin is such a pretty shade of brown, a perfect ashy brown color, and his cheekbones are nice and prominent like mine; his teeth are a bright white and make his smile even more irresistible, his dark brown eyes so mysterious that it's impossible for me not to pick his brain.

his body is- girl i don't even need to say anything more.

and that voice? whoo! enough to make a girl tingle on the inside.

i've never even had a crush on anyone before, let alone have full blown feelings for them. jahseh is... everything i could want and more. everything i wanted. all in one person.

my childhood was so fucked up that it was hard for me to trust people or to even believe that anyone could care for me or love me. that anyone could even look my way or have a single fucking thought about me. life was bleak, life was fucking catastrophic, and honestly, i was on the verge of ending it.

then i met jahseh.

and even amongst us being on the run and jahseh harboring me, us jumping from train to train and having to break into motels or check into hotels in the middle of the night, us getting caught and literally risking our lives, jahseh's made it all better, always encouraging me to keep my head up and keeping me laughing along the way. he makes me happy. i haven't been genuinely happy in a painfully long time.