she's done, she's done with it all.
her parents that want to send her to boarding school, her insane brother that pins everything on her and gets away with it, the lies, the assault, the abuse- she's done.
and so she's decided to run away, and be go...
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i adjust my phone and clear my throat, looking at the paper before me and the words scrawled across it.
"my-" i stop myself, clearing my throat again.
"my- fuck, wrong pitch again." i groan, gathering myself and trying once more.
"my boy, my boy, my boy, don't love me like he promised, my boy, he ain't a man and sure as hell, ain't honest."
i nod my head at the pitch, i'm finally doing it right.
it's been one month since jahseh left.
it was totally unexpected, and it was really a slap in the face. one minute we were having fun and eating food and the next minute, he was gone. leaving nothing behind but some money and a note.
dear billie,
i know you're really upset right now. the voices in my head were getting to be a bit much, and they told me to leave, to leave so that i wouldn't hurt you. so that i wouldn't get attached to you. so that i wouldn't depend on you.
thinking about that now, it seems a bit contradictory.
i haven't even left yet but as i'm writing this letter, i already miss you so much. i love you more than words can explain. and that's what scares me so much, love. that feeling that's so hard to describe.
nobody's ever felt the way you made me feel, billie.
i'm going back to texas, to see ski. for some reason i have some odd connection to him. i feel like that's my only safe space for right now.
i've given you some money so that you can get by. you're clever, i'm sure you'll find other ways to make money. please be safe, i'd never forgive myself if anything happened to you.
i love you so much,
jahseh.
fuck him.
he left me here with so much as my dignity, my instincts, and my love for him.
how dare he leave?
after jahseh left, i decided to actually break out my songbook and record a few of the songs on my phone, sharing them on the internet. one of them being the song that i'm currently still working out, which i've entitled "my boy".
i began to post little snippets of my voice on an anonymous instagram account and have gained some traction, this being the motivation i need to get up and do something with my life. there's so much emotion in all of my songs, so why not sing them for the internet and see where it takes me?
