I can't be yours

10

Tw⚠️

Venus.

I walked the corridors coming back from my last class of the day a week after break. We have been trying to figure out what happened, everyday. But nothing is coming up and we hit a dead end. It's annoying, truly. When you want to find out something so bad and you physically can't find anything.

I walked into jaspers room as him as Noah sat together "honestly giving up on this whole thing on what happened." I groaned throwing my bag down flopping onto his bed.

"Me too but the girls really want to know what happened." Jasper laughed.

"Yeah I know."

"I'm out, have class tomorrow." Noah muttered standing up as we both said goodbye.

I kept my head on his pillow as we sat in silence "has your um sister said anything about me." He blurted as I laughed.

"No mate, what did you do." I groaned flipping over on my back as he paced around the room.

"I asked her out but after I hurt her-"

"Woah woah back the fuck up, you hurt her?" I asked leaning up as he stopped.

"No no I just said a really fucked up thing but it was one time." He mumbled picking up his speed again and biting his nails.

"Mate just take her on a fucking date, tell her to put on one of her colorful dresses and make her a picnic." I shrugged as I remembered that time me and Jenna had a picnic. Happiest day of my life.

"You are a genius! Going to do that now- hey also how are things with jenna and Luce." He mumbled picking up a blanket and putting on his coat.

"To sum it up, I fucked up." I stood up grabbing my bag before we walked out and into the common room.

"We'll go talk to Jen, make it up to her." He shrugged as I sat down on the couch.

"Yeah not that easy mate but good luck with my sister." I threw him a smile before he walked out leaving me in the common room staring at the fire.

"Hey v." Someone said from the corner as I turned my head seeing Jenna. I was confused on why she wants to talk to me.

"Hey Jen." I breathed as she stepped closer before I turned my head back to the fire.

"How are you doing." She sat down in the chair across from me which felt weird since she always sat next to me.

"Like I fucked up." I laughed as she fixed her position. Silence, it was weird. Weird sitting with a girl I used to be so close with. A girl I could kiss at anytime of the day. A girl I could go to if I needed her. And now it's like we are strangers in this huge universe sitting on these couches waiting for a response from one another.

"I know." She whispered.

How do you know Jenna?

"No I don't think you know," I laughed as she turned her head in confusion "because I miss you and I understand that I fucked up and that you have moved on from me." I took a shaky breath as she played with her coat.

"I hate you." She mumbled as I knew that wasn't true, she wouldn't be here if that was the case.

"I know, and I love you." I said back as a tear ran down her cheek "don't cry Jen." I begged.

"Don't cry? Don't cry? Venus I am sitting here with a boy I have loved my entire life and this is our conversation." She said standing up as her hands rubbed across her face.

"Don't you think it's the same situation with me Jenna?! You think that just because you feel it no one else can?!" I scoffed "well news flash Jen, I feel the same." I said standing up.

"Wait- please don't go." She whispered as her hands held my chest stopping my feet from walking to my dorm. "I didn't come here to fight."

"Okay well then why did you come here." I stepped back as her hands dropped from my chest.

"Because I didn't want us to be like this, I just want to be friends." She said as my heart broke in so many pieces, she just wanted to friends. That's probably worse then not associating with her.

"Oh," I stepped back to the couch as her face dropped and she noticed how i felt. "I mean yeah I want to be friends." I cleared my throat as she sat next to me.

I looked over at her as she did too "V, I can't be yours and you know that." She whispered as I looked back to the fire.

"But why."

"V, you hurt me and you just you take-"

"What I like to take drugs?! Is that's what's wrong?" I laughed as she tried to protest "no Jenna- fuck I love you and we have both done fucked up things to each other but doesn't that make it so we can be with each other?"

"No v, and that's what's wrong." She stated standing up and walking off "I wanted to come here and not fight, come to me once you understand that we were toxic and that you still want to be in each other's life." She smiled walking up to the girls dormitories.

I don't know what I want. I don't know what to do. Fuck.

I stood up and walked to my dormitory pulling out a bottle of liquor. I popped the top off as the hot liquid burned down my throat as I kept taking swings.

I just wanted Jenna, all I wanted. And I cant fucking have her. It's driving me insane.

"I know what happened!" Someone shouted as they ran into my room. Violet.

"Violet leave you- you can't see me right now." I mumbled standing up and pushing her out but she stopped me.

"Venus what happened?!" She exclaimed as she took the empty bottle from my hands, I didn't even know I drank the whole thing.

"N- no it's fine Jenna- violet sorry." I muttered as she took me and put me on the bed.

"Fucks sakes you were clean- for a little bit and I was proud. I was proud. I still am and it's going to be okay." She whispered as my heart warmed but I quickly felt like I was going to be sick.

She saw and ran to the bathroom bringing a trash can for me to throw up in. I whipped my mouth as she put me back in bed putting the trash can beside my bed. She crawled in as she took my head laying it on her chest. Her hands rubbed through my hair.

And she stayed.