I can't be yours

18

hey besties

Hunter.

It was Christmas, we were all gathered around the tables talking over champagne and delicious food that sydney and Mum made. Theodore already had drinks and dad was laughing with him. The decorations hung from the ceilings as the red and green colors clashed with the white walls.

I kept eating putting on a smile along with violet, jasper and Noah. We all missed Venus, we couldn't let the parents notice that we aren't doing okay because it's all part of the act.

I just wanted to see Venus, make sure he's okay and doing better. I know he lashed out and had withdraws weeks back which is causing him to stay longer which made everyone sad. The adults surprisingly haven't talked about Venus.

The only thing that was heard was old stories and random ass things going on. Nothing about Venus. Sydney seems to be putting on a brave face but I have basically lived with her my whole life and I know when she's not okay. Also because Draco keeps looking over every second whispering 'you okay?' To syd as she nods yes and carries along with eating and chatting.

I was surprised that no one wanted to talk about him or at least have a toast with our champagne splashing in the air filling the empty space of his smile and him. 

I looked over to violet who was smiling eating her salad. "Do you need anything?" I asked her getting up before she shook her head no. I proceeded to stand up and weave through the chairs and tight space that we were in because of how many people and food we had.

I made my way to the bathroom as I looked at myself in the mirror. My skin wasn't as shinny as it used to be, the bags under my eyes got worse as they showed a deep purple. It was almost like I couldn't recognize myself. Like with Venus gone- it was like he kept me up and floating not letting me sink. But now that he's gone, it's all underwater.

I splashed the water on my face as I gripped the porcelain countertops. My rings clashed with the sink as a knock on the door appeared. "Occupied sorry." I mumbled.

"It's me." I heard Noah as I let out a big breath but nothing was relieving about him having to see me like this.

I opened the door as he leaned against the door frame before I looked down the dimly lit hallway and back to Noah.

"Whats up." I let out a sigh as I stood in the doorway waiting for his response.

"Are you okay?" He asked.

"I mean why wouldn't I be?" I laughed before I tried to step out of the tiny bathroom "seriously stop worrying-"

He stopped my chest as he interrupted me "No I know you aren't okay." He whispered as I breathed in. He was right, I wasn't but it's Christmas and I don't want to be that person.

"No I am fine Noah I am okay." I nodded.

"Tell me when you are ready okay?" He whispered as i nodded again before he kissed me and letting me walk down the hall. I felt his eyes burning through me as I turned the corner back into the dining room.

I sat down and finished eating as Luna showed up. "Oh greetings everyone, I am so sorry I am late." She rushed in with her white uniform on as she layed down her coat.

"Don't worry Luna we are still eating." Sydney smiled as Luna sat down picking up some food at setting it onto the plate.

"Um, Venus said happy Christmas, I thought you all would like to know that," She smiled as my heart warmed knowing that he was thinking about us. "He says he misses you and loves you all."

"Oh thank you so much for telling us, it really means a lot." Sydney reached over to Luna holding her hand before letting go and back to finishing her food and talking with everyone.

I was quickly pulled away by my father. He guided me to the study before he shut the door. "How did you all find out about Cassie and pansy." He said sitting down but I stayed standing.

The books lined the walls and the dim lighting reflected off our skin. "I don't know." I lied.

"Bullshit, tell me please." He stared at the floor before I let out a huff.

I can't let my friends suffer because I couldn't kept my mouth shut "Honestly I don't know." I walked over to the door.

"All you have to tell me is, are their memories Gone." He sighed as my heart broke. If Sydney poisoned them both and 'tried' to erase their memories I am pretty sure that's fucking illegal.

"No they aren't, they know everything." I whispered touching the door handle and walking out.

I sat back down as everyone started to pack up the leftovers and make their way to the living room as all of the kids went to the cellar. The adults like to drink and talk so we let them and go drink and talk by ourselves.

I sat down on the cold pavement as I looked out the window. Snow. We started to drink and laugh once we loosened up.

"Cheers to Venus." Violet mumbled holding up her glass as I smiled holding up mine as we all clashed ours together. "We should go play in the snow."

"What?" Jasper laughed turning to violet who set down her glass and standing up.

"Let's go play in the snow." She giggled as she walked over to the window and opening it. The cold air rushed through the room as she started stepping out.

I quickly sipped my last drop and running over to her. Noah and jasper followed as I dropped onto the fluffy snow. Snowflakes fell on my hair as we ran around singing and dancing as the snow fell on us.

The street lights reflected off of the snow as we ran around throwing snowballs.

Noah ran to me before picking me up and twirling me in the air as I caught snowflakes on my tongue. He laughed below me as I smiled for the first time, a real smile, that stretched from ear to ear.

I loved this moment and I wish I could stay in it forever. Like a time loop and never leave. We would just be in this exact, beautiful moment.

He let me down before he held my hips putting a piece of hair behind my ear. I was still smiling "Please keep smiling like that." He whispered as jasper and violets laughs faded in the background. It was only us who mattered in the world right now.

I leaned in as our lips connected leaving me breathless. The snow dropped on our heads and the freezing cold air stayed beside us but our body heat kept us cold and warm. 

He pulled away as violets and jaspers laughs came back in the open. I looked over as they were trying to catch each other. Jasper caught her sending her landing on the plushy snow and giggling even louder.