I can't be yours

20

Tw⚠️⚠️

Jenna.

I sat in my dorm, bored out of my fucking mind. It's March so thank Merlin we are leaving school in a few months. I sat up as I walked to my closet picking out some jeans and putting them on before grabbing my heals and walking out. I heard screaming in the common room as I quickly walked out and down the stairs. I saw a hooded figure hugging violet and everyone as they cried.

They turned their head as I met eyes with Venus. I dropped my purse on the floor seeing him for the first time. My mouth dropped open as I held my hand to it trying to believe this is real "Jen.." he breathed as I immediately stepped off of the steps running to him.

His arms wrapped around me as tears ran down my face. He was warm and his natural scent radiated off of the room and it was so refreshing. I pulled away meeting his eyes and for a moment we had that connection, that love, pure desire in our eyes like he really does miss me and love me.

He turned his head and unclasped from my grip on his jacket. I stepped back picking up my bag as tears still ran down my face. "I will see you guys later." I mumbled as violet had the biggest smile across her face.

"Okay see you later Jen." Lucille smiled as they all sat down on the couch before I walked out. My heals clapped on the floor as i tried to dry my tears off. I couldn't cry over that. I was the one who left him, I gave up on him. What was I supposed to think, that after rehab that we would be back together, loving each other. What the fuck is wrong with me?

I ran down the corridors as i clutched my purse to my hand with tears running down my face. The moonlight shinned into the halls as I looked out of the old structure for a quick second.

We had that moment.

That beautiful moment where you think everything is okay and that you will be okay. Where you feel so warm inside, you feel on top of the world. And then they leave again, again, again. And again, and I am tired of it.

We had it. Didn't we?

The look in each other's eyes. His was happy but his eyes were glossy from tears and mine were pure desire for one, person in the whole world. And it had to be the one who didn't want me back.

I made it to a bar in south London where the streets were crowded. Girls in heals, Americans blabbered on and on how much they love London. With their thigh high boots and skirts. They looked happy.

I walked down the street as lights hung down on the path. The bulbs shinned bright as I turned the corner. I looked into a bar that had people lined at the tables taking shots and using. I opened the door still having my clutch close to me as my heals came in contact with the sticky floors.

I was still crying as the hot air hit my face before I walked to the bar. A band was playing at the front and the bartender was cleaning glasses. I plopped down as the glass countertop caught my purse. I layed my hands on the table waiting for him to acknowledge me. "Hello darling, what can I get for you." He smiled. He had thick black hair as a piece dangled in front of his forehead before setting down the glass he was just cleaning.

"4 shots." I held up the number four with my hands as he nodded turning around and grabbing the shot glasses. He lined them in front of me before he stepped away grabbing the liquor. He poured it across all four cups leaving some on the counter.

"Drinking alone tonight?" He asked as he poured the last shot. I grabbed the first one throwing my head back and downing the hot liquid.

I nodded "Yeah, all of my friends probably fucking hate me and the guy I am in love with doesn't love me back so cheers to that." I smiled taking the next one.

"Well that is a reason to drink on your own." He smirked as I held up the next glass tipping it to him and throwing my head back.

And I took the next one.

"Another round please!"I shouted over the music as he jerked his head to me after pouring someone else's drink. He walked over smirking.

"Now, tell me," He laughed as I interrupted him "Jenna." I said as he carried on after grabbing the bottle and popping open the cap "Jenna, how old are you?" He asked pouring the shots as I scoffed.

"Old enough." I took a shot "You know it's so stupid to avoid your feelings, like why can't you just be out in the open! It's so over rated. You know what, I might just start liking girls cause guys are so much fucking work!" I took another shot.

And I kept talking.

He kept listening as people came in and out. 5 people sat beside me but eventually left. He would have to leave to take out the trash and I would pause waiting for him to come back.

I looked around the bar as my vision was blurry but the chairs were on the tables and the band was packing up their stuff. I whipped my eyes as I turned to the bartender guy. He was washing the glasses as I just had my- I don't even know what number.

"W- what time is it?" I asked as I looked at my wrist remembering I don't wear a watch "Right." I mumbled looking back up.

"It would be," he lifted up his sleeve as his head turned to his wrist "5 am." He smiled sleepily as I giggled.

I held my stomach just thinking that I have class in, 2 hours.

"Ah well thats my cue to get out." I smiled as I picked up my purse and stumbling off of my seat. I smirked at him before he took off his apron and hanging it up. It was still night as I stumbled out of the bar.

"See you Jenna." He winked as I winked back and shutting the door causing the Bells to jiggle.

I quickly walked down to an alleyway and aparated to Hogwarts and appeared in the corridors. I found my way to the slytherin common room mumbling the password and walking in.

I was still laughing as I looked over seeing Venus, jasper and Noah. Their heads lifted to my sight as I kept walking almost falling over. "Jen- fuck we have been waiting for you all night." Jasper mumbled as he held me up straight.

"Awe you have, how sweet." I smiled as I pushed him off of me. Tears now ran down my face and I don't even know why.

"Why are you crying?" Noah asked leaning against the rail of the stairs as I turned around. Surprisingly Venus hasn't said anything. Which also kind of hurt as I thought that he probably didn't care.

"Because I hate everyone in this mother fucking world- except the bartender. He was so nice." I smiled as Noah's expression turned worried.

"Did he touch you?" He sneered as I scoffed.

"No he didn't fucking touch me," I jerked my head to Venus on the couch "At least one guy in this world world would want to touch me, hm isn't that right v." I stated as Venus laughed "What! What is so fucking funny Venus Malfoy."

"Because you have to make everything about you!" He shouted as I jerked back in surprise "You know what you are drunk, i am not talking about this." He growled standing up and bolting past me up the stairs as tears ran down my face. I collapsed on the ground as I held my face.

Jasper and Noah picked me up helping me to my dorm and unlocking it. Jasper pulled out some of my clothes and helped me change before they tucked me in bed.

And now I was at peace. In my own head, own dreams.

•

"You know that she can't get it through her head that I just got back from rehab, and not everything is going to be about her!" Someone whispered as I quickly shut my eyes.

"Yes I know but she was drunk, you can't possibly make her feel bad for something she said completely blacked out." Someone else whispered. Thank you jasper.

"Yes I know but it was still shitty, I mean she knows I just got home from a place that helped me with my alcohol addiction and the second time I see her in a year she's drunk?!" Venus whispered back as I kept still. Not a word.

"Fuck come on we have class, let's just tell professor that she's sick." Jasper mumbled as he quietly shut the door.

Shit.