Deep into Despair | xBayani

Chapter Nine

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Naria's POV

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Jordan left. He just ran out....just like I did that first day when we met. He followed me, but I didn't. And maybe I should. But maybe it's too late.

I walk out of the room, feeling worse than ever before, worse than all the pain I felt these past years combined. So I step into the main room, probably looking like a mess. I walk up to Will and just stand in front of him, still crying, hands covering my face. "He left," I whisper in between cries.

"Here, come here," he says comforting me and takes me into his room so the others wouldn't have to look at me. We reach his and Kevin's room, Kevin still out in the main room. We sit on the bed as I cry and Will comforts me, or tries too.

I'm sorry!" I scream between my tears. "I can't do this anymore!"

"Naria, it's okay," Will says rubbing my back, "You don't need to pressure yourself to be happy, it doesn't work that way. I'm sure Jordan didn't mean to."

I cry into his gray shirt, tears starting to stain. "Or maybe he did.." I sob. "or maybe he did."

"Don't think like that," he says brushing his hand on my tear stained cheeks. "He probably already wants to come back."

Suddenly I feel his soft lips brush against mine so lightly it tickles, but he starts to push down harder when I kiss back. I bite his lip, blood getting all over his shirt.

"It's okay," he whispers so lightly between breaths.

I nod and place my hand into his. I lay down next to him into his bed, snuggling my head into his neck as I fall deeply into sleep.

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Jordan's POV

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"Idiot, idiot, idiot!!!" I scream in my head. She's probably already cutting herself to shreds because of me! Ugh!! What's wrong with me?!

But I just walk faster and faster away from the house and into the town. I reach a cafe and harshly enter the through the entrance.

I order a tea and sit down. Someone taps me in the shoulder, "Excuse me?"

"Huh?" I ask, not knowing who it was and turn around

I turn around to find three slutty girls, giggling. Their clothes expose tons of skin, but at least they are pretty hot. Wait what? What am I thinking?

"Hey, are you Bayani?" A girl with blond, and green highlights ask.

"Um yeah," I reply eyeing them up and down.

"Omg, can we have pictures?!" Another girl, with shorts that ride up her ass, requests.

"Yeah, sure I guess."

After we take pictures and what not, I look to see all the guys roll in as I sit down.

Uh, bad timing.

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Naria's POV

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I get up, worn out from all the pain. It's definitely getting old. The guys want to go out to dinner somewhere so I have to get cleaned up and go too.

I leave Will's room as he gets ready and head into my own. I change into black tight jeans, a gray tank top, and a black cardigan to cover my scars. I splash water into my face and take out my hair from its ponytail. I brush it out so that it goes down to my waist. I put on a dark blue jacket and walk into the main room.

I sit down next to a tall boy known as Brayden, I think.

"Hey!" He says energetically, "How're you're doing?"

"I'm fine," I say smiling politely and blush from his enthusiasm.

"You're cute when you blush. You're a beautiful person," he says causally like he says it everyday. (A/N Fna's of Rusher knows where this comes from).

"Thank you," I say, making me blush even more.

But our conversation was interrupted by Graser shouting, "Let's go!!!!".

We then walk to a cafe down a couple of blocks.

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The whole way here, I was just trailing behind while the guys talk about random things, occasionally laughing at stuff I didn't hear.

But as I walk in the door, I see Jordan talking to some over-pretty girls, laughing. Meh was all I could think, but I am pretty good at pushing my emotions to the back of my throat in which I am using now. I ignore everything going on as Graser and Will tell me to sit down at a small booth. Parker, Liam, and Corrine are sitting across from me, Will at my right, and Graser to my left. The others were sitting at other booths along with Jordan.

Once all the food comes, conversation starts to roll in but I stay quiet and just pick at my food. After awhile of doing that, Graser asks if I'm okay and I respond, "Yes," as always.

But I'm guessing he doesn't buy the "yes" because he starts grabs my hand and leads me out of the cafe. I turn around and see everyone looking at me, it's all happening too fast. Outside is freezing but the cold is better for me than warm.

"Naria, I'm pretty sure you're not okay," he stares at me concerned.

But before I can answer him, he takes my hand and pulls up my sleeve. He examines them up and down like I have done before but now, they're new scars. Red covering the deep trenches in the cuts. Every perfect line covering all of my arm. I admit to him about my cutting and I did it after changing too. I couldn't help myself but to bring a razor with me. I told Graser that my bleeding weren't from self harming but I didn't know exactly how to explain what it was either.

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Flashback

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Once I change, I spot my enemy but the thing that got me close to Jordan and Will. I pick it up and grip it into my hands. I can't help but to just cut a little, a small one. But I can't resist, the pain tears me open but releases itself from me at the same time, like freedom all at once.

I keep on going, the blade creating friction against my skin. Perfect lining of each cut and they expose my inner self both physically and mentally. I'm done feeling sorry for myself. I'm done with all of the drama.

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Back to Reality

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Overwhelmed with all the things going on, I cry, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry," I whisper in between sobs.

"Naria?", he says, overwhelmed too, "Please, if you ever need any help, you have all of us."

"I know, I know. I just maybe thought that if no one knew, you or they wouldn't have to feel it either," I say quietly, rubbing my eyes.

He hugs me, "No, baby, no," he says reminding me of my brother.

Brother?

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Would you guys prefer, often updates with short chapters, OR occasional updates with long, really long chapters????

Idk, I probably will do the second option but up to you guys.