Deep into Despair | xBayani

Chapter Twenty-Nine

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Naria's POV

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"What?" I ask, in shock.

"I just don't think that we really love each other that way, I'm sure you feel the same. I know you and Jordan have a thing that you haven't gotten over yet. But I know that we're good friends, and I'm hoping we could stay that way," I hear the words of Ace, resonating through my ear, processing it through my mind. My face softens, I've been expecting this for some time now. It's been a week since Jordan and I had kissed that evening. I couldn't forget about it, and I thought about him every night. I hadn't been the same, I've haven't been feeling anything towards Ace at all. It's bothered him, and made him keep on asking if anything was going on that he didn't know about. Every time I've answered, "I'm fine" or "nothing". I feel guilty for what I'd done, but now I'm more sure about who I want to be with. I'm just not sure he feels the same.

I nod my head, in silence. No words come out of my mouth.

"You okay?" Ace questions.

"Yeah...yeah, I'm fine,"

"Still best friends?"

"Of course, of course,"

"Thinking about Jordan, aren't you?"

I smile slightly, not sure if he's mad about it.

"Figured," he says, smiling too. "If you really love him, then be with him, okay? You guys deserve each other."

I nod my head confidently. Ace reaches over, hugs me, and pecks me on the cheek. "I love you."

"I love you too," I say, and I mean it too. I know he means as friends.

"I'm gonna head out with some friends coming in town. Text me later,"

"Bye," I say waving, as he opens the door and leaves, closing the door behind him.

I sigh and sit down on the couch. Glad that's over with.

Since I'm basically alone, I grab on laptop on the table on place it in my lap, logging back on. I pull up Skype and Teamspeak, checking to see if anybody's on. I refresh (I actually have no idea how any of this works so bare with my stupidity) the page, and see Will's ign pop up on Teamspeak. I join his room.

"Hey, Will," I say casually.

"Hey Naria, what's up?"

"Nothing much, just Ace and I broke up,"

"Oh," I hear him say, in awe. "Are you okay? What happened?"

"Eh, our relationship wasn't going anywhere and we didn't really love each other like that,"

"I see. At least it's on good terms,"

"You're going to happily break out the news to Jordan, aren't you?"

"Maybe?" He says, not sure if I'm mad at that.

"It's fine though,"

"Okay, later,"

Silence. I hate silence and especially the fact that it's because we haven't had a proper conversation on so long. But I can't forget the ones that we did have. I smile. The days before, when I actually became happy. Now, I'm just hoping for it to happen again.

"So...whatchu been doing?"

"I had just finished recording with the boys. I'm editing right now,"

"That's cool. How you been feeling?"

"A lot better. But I have to thank you and Jordan for that. I'm hoping to stay here for a longer time than planned,"

"That's great! We could take you around Seattle!"

"Yeah," he says chuckling from my enthusiasm. "Hoping to see the Space Needle."

"Definitely!" I say, remembering the time Jordan first took me. "It's so cool! We'll go soon."

"Yep!"

"Also, how's Jordan been?"

"Umm," he says, uncertainly. "He's just full of mixed emotions. I'm almost afraid he acts tougher than he really is. He's not really going outside of his room as much."

"Oh," I say, confused. "Well maybe that since we'll hang out more, he start to feel better. You're sure he's not sick?"

"Pretty sure, he seems fine to me,"

"Okay," I say nervously. "Is...is it because of me?"

Will sighs. "I think it is."

"Oh my gosh," I say, rubbing my face.

"Well to be honest, I think he's going to feel better at the fact that you and Ace broke up,"

"That's true,"

He chuckles. "That's actually kind of funny when you think about it, but Jordan really does love you and he misses the old times, ya know?"

"Yeah, I do too,"

"Well, you could always remake new ones too,"

"Yeah, I can,"

I hear shifting and mumbles, probably from Will's room.

"Um, I have to go, I'll talk to you later. Jordan needs me,"

"Okay, love ya. Bye,"

"Bye,"

'User left your channel'

I sigh, closing my laptop. What a day. I get up and walk past all of the randomly assembled furniture and decorations, reaching the stairs. I take step after step quickly reaching my room. I close the door behind me, and try to decide on what to do. I head over to the bookshelf I hadn't touched in over six months, and brush my fingers over the spines. My hand lands on one I had read over four times, "The Outsiders", one of my favorites. It made me feel better knowing that I'm not the only one going through the hardships of life. The sun's only beginning to set so I'll have lots of time to catch up on my reading.

I go book after book, letting my imagination flow into my mind as I read each and every word carefully. For the words that I still might not comprehend well, I always have a dictionary next to me when I read. That way, I'll never misunderstand a concept.

I soon find myself laying in bed, still reading and it's already 10pm. I hadn't had dinner, which reminds me that I need to get a job. I had one before meeting Jordan and everything, but I was laid off because they had budget problems. I was a florist at a flower shop called *insert flower shop name here* and it was an awesome place. The variety of flowers were beautiful, but I think it went out of business. It paid decently for just myself so my aunt wouldn't have to care for me a lot. But since then, Jordan has helped me and I can't appreciate him enough. And now, I need to get a job.

With that thought, I drift off into my world of dreams and nightmares.

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Horrible chapter because I'm sick af. Smut going to be in chapter 44.

Thanks for reading, love ya guys. Stay beautiful -DeathStrider