Deep into Despair | xBayani

Chapter Twenty-Two

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Naria's POV

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The world inside of me falls apart so lightly, but I know there is worse to come. I know Jordan was there trying to make me feel better, but this time, nothing could make me feel any better at all. I just wish things would go back to the way it was before, but I wish a lot don't I?

I absoulutely hate seeing Jordan cry, and I never mean to, but this is what I mean by not wanting to hurt him.

"Jordan, I'm sorry. I'm really really sorry," I cry.

"What are you apologizing for?" he asks, not crying much anymore.

"I just need to get away for a bit. Things haven't been going as planned, and don't you realize how much I've hurt you? I need to prevent that," I explain.

"So you're just going to leave?" he says, obviously going to protest.

"Not necessarily leave, but staying away, going seperate ways. Not for me, but it's best for you. I can't cause you all this pain anymore," I say, looking away.

He lets go gently to look me in the eyes. His eyes, emerald, what I always think of when I see them, but now it only shows hurt. I avoid looking at them, they only make me want to go back into his arms, but I know I'm making the right decision. Jordan stays silent for awhile.

I turn towards him once more and kiss him one last time on the lips. The sweetness of his lips on mine is the best feeling in the world and I'm going to miss it, but nothing's going to make me change my mind. I manage to grab his hand in between the kiss for I want to hold it for the last time in awhile. He kisses me back, but there is not much passion left in him. I eventually let go of him.

"I love you so much," I say with tears streaming down my face. "And I mean it, so much Jordan, never forget that. But I've made you go through so much pain for these past few months with you." I smile grimmly at him.

I soon leave him, and I hear an echo of his voice in the back of my head. "I love you too,"

I speed walk into Will's hospital room, and slowly reach him. His pale face, and unusually slim figure makes my heart ache. Because he's not waking and because he's in the hospital, he hasn't been outside or eating. I lean over and kiss him on the cheek. "I love you," I whisper. I stay only for a little bit longer, but eventually leave the hospital.

I take a taxi back to the house, pack my things, and leave completely. I'm going to miss all the memories, but it's all the past.....right?

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Jordan's POV

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Naria leaving only made me more broken. Why? I've never felt more lost in my life. She's right, things aren't going as planned. I walk back to my hospital room, gather my things, and walk off.

Once I sign off, I ask for Will's room number and I start walking up the stairs to his room. Tears start to run down my face, and I don't bother to wipe them away. I tightly grip my bag as I walk upstairs. I look down at the floor, down at my feet. My tear drops hit the floor as I continue to walk. But my constant steps turns into a run. Why is it all that all that I love gone? Or at least not here? I hate myself. Why me?

I run up to Will's room and walk straight on in, for the door is wide open. As I get closer, I start to clearly see his face. He's not healthy. My eyes widen in shock for his conditions are terrible. "No, Will," I mumble under my breath. No, no. I shake my head, as more tears begin to fall. I sit down in the chair, and take his hand. "Will, I hope you're listening. I love you so much, okay? I'm never, ever going to take our friendship for granted, ever, understand me? Naria's gone, please don't be gone too. I love you so much," My voice cracks, and I feel like I'm going insane. I'm already talking like he's still physically here with me. What wrong with me? What's wrong with my life?

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Will's POV

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Jordan, Jordan, Jordan......I hear his voice, the sound of him crying. Am I awake? No?....Yes? I try forcing my eyes to open. The brightness of the room, makes me go blind, not really though. My vision blurs a bit, but then clears up right afterwards. I look around, the white walls, machinery, and bed. Hospital, why? Why didn't I die?

"I love you so much," I hear Jordan says, as he cries continuously into his hands.

Or am I already dead? I can't be, right? Now that I think about it, I kind of don't want to be. He mentioned something about Naria leaving. What? What's happening? I try moving, I try turning around, or speaking, but nothing works. I can't physically move. Why, why, why? Ugh. Jordan needs someone right now, and I'm not there, but I can't be to blame. For sometimes I think his happiness rests in other people's arms. It's a bit weird to think about, but I do feel that he's selfish sometimes when he relies on other people to make him happy. But this is something worse, for he is in much pain. He's hurting hard, and I can tell. I try to constrain out words, but nothing works.

Jordan soon gets up to leave. His eyes turned to crimson so quickly from his tears. He can't leave now. I try to move once more, to force out the words I've been trying to say for the past couple of minutes. I think about all the fun times we had together, and he was there for me, most of the time. I can't just let him suffer, I don't want him to feel the way I did, to feel like shit all the time. I was stuck and trapped in a shell that I created because I didn't have the decency to find happiness, to find the light. So I reached the point of the absence of self-love. I lived inside of a hell that I couldn't get out of, no one should have to feel the way I did at 4am in the morning finding a way to kill myself. So I try once more.

"Jordan," I croak hoarsely, barely in a whisper. I'm not sure if he heard it. He stops at the doorway, and turns around, looking back once again. Then he takes another step. Are my eyes not really open?

"Jordan." I say a bit more louder than before, but it hurts like bloody hell to speak.

"Will?" He says turning back around. He runs into the room.

My eyes drift close again, and I fall into a slumber. I need to get back, and that was my last thought before my mind faded to sleep completely.

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Hey! I'm trying to find music to go with the character's thoughts and actions so that's why you see more of it.

I literally have no ideas about this book, and if you guys have any more ideas, it would be rad if you could suggest some to me in the comments! I'm also thinking of ending this book at around 50 chapters so we still have a long way to go, but who knows?! When I finish, I'm going to be rewriting the beginning of the story because my writing was awful back then and maybe a sequel it I'm up for it!

Will's POV is all italics because it's only his thoughts and stuff so yeah!

Thanks for reading, love ya guys! -DeathStrider