Caught In Your Chaos ✓

Chapter Fifty-Nine

I bolted out of my unplanned nap. It was supposed to be a short power nap, but I fell asleep. As my eyes adjusted to the dim light of the room, events of the day flooded my mind. Waking up in Jake's warm embrace, having the first bite of the day exclusively his style, Jake turning me into his masterpiece, then spending the rest of the day eating sushi, watching tv while cuddling on the couch for god knows how long. Finally, after dinner, we had decided to catch up with our assignments if we wanted to pass the semester.

The last event I remembered was Jake helping me with the codes. Somewhere between compiling and error handling, I was out. I yawned, rubbing my eyes, and took a glance at the other side of the bed. A frown appeared on my face to find it empty. Jake was supposed to be sleeping beside me. Even though I was sleep-stricken, I remembered him shutting off our laptops and pulling me into his warm embrace. I had hummed to his musky scent and buried my head in his chest.

The clock on the nightstand showed 2 a.m., which deepened my frown. Where did Jake go? 'Maybe, he went out for water' I relaxed my nerves and waited for him to return to bed.

As minutes ticked by, I stared at the ceiling, reminiscing that one perfect version of Jake when he looked different from the rest. He wasn't one with the world, but he was one with himself and the person he was drawing.

The way his eyes didn't just explore the details of my exterior but the feelings that were hiding underneath my skin, he exhibited the talent of a true artist, and the world he was living in wasn't his. I wondered at that moment, what if he unravels the deepest darkest secret of mine, the one I had been hiding from him since the beginning. The realization left a bitter taste on my lips.

When my thought almost gave me an anxiety attack, I inferred Jake was taking too long. I pushed the duvet away from my body and made my way outside the room. It was not just the thought of being left alone in the middle of the night, but I was thirsty too.

As I walked down the hall in the direction of the kitchen, I noticed that he wasn't around. He was sure not out for water. I took a quick check on the other room but to no avail, making me more anxious. The only place left was the art room. I noted that it was open.

"Jacob?" I called out to him, sliding the glass door a little more and stepping into the dimly lit room.

The moment I stepped inside, a gasp left my mouth. It was a mess, with art supplies scattered everywhere on the floor and barstools lying on their side. There were sheets and sheets of paper littered around. Some were blank, others had abstract sketches, and some even shredded into pieces.

I gulped down a handful of anxiety down my throat the moment my eyes fell on the paint spilled everywhere on the floor, along with a handful of brushes and palettes. And there, behind the broken easel with a blank canvas, I saw Jake staring at its emptiness with a paintbrush between his shaking fingers.

Looking at him at that moment felt like standing under the scorching heat of the sun. He appeared so fragile and blank same as the canvas lying in front of him. The spark of his dark orbs had dulled out, and there was only emptiness. He wasn't my Jake, the one who had so much life in him that you could breathe him in. He was breathing labored breaths, and his muscles were tense to the point where I could see veins popping out of every exposed portion of his skin.

In whatever headspace he was in, it stabbed daggers in my heart to see him shatter like that. I took a staggering step closer towards him, careful enough not to alert the wounded beast. For some reason, tears pricked my eyes as I looked into his red eyes. He wasn't letting go, wasn't ready to break down but was already breaking in.

"Jac-Jacob, what- what happened?" I choked out the question merely as a whisper. He didn't acknowledge my presence nor my voice. He was far from me, very far, and all I wanted was to chase him, bring him back to me.