Caught In Your Chaos ✓

Chapter Sixty-Nine

Jacob

One Year Earlier

Some suffer the consequences of a tragedy, and some bear them. I wonder which fell right with me.

Sometimes I would sit at the patio of my mansion, looking at the greenery surrounding the yard and wonder why I couldn't find beauty in it. My father had spent lavishly on his mansion, yet he couldn't turn it into a home for his family. He often renowned me as the ungrateful child, never relishing the glories awarded. It didn't matter what he thought of me, but it did matter what he never thought of me.

He saw me as an asset, never his son. For him, every person in his life was either a show for the world or merely a business deal. I was neither of them. Maybe he did love me with whatever he was capable of, but sadly it wasn't enough for me.

As a kid, I used to complain or throw tantrums about his absence in my world. Slowly it turned into anger, and then one day, it all became a remnant of my delusional expectations. Someone rightly quoted - The ugliest source of our disappointment often comes from the people we love the most.

After exactly six months of losing hope ever finding Vanessa, I had decided it was indeed time to stop making love my savior. Then I knew my passion could be my only redemption. So that's what I did day in and day out. I painted, I painted all my pain, my longing, my loneliness, and unattainable love. I painted in all shades and textures, from painting something abysmal as the mechanical eyes of my father to incredible as the gentle eyes of my mother.

I remember how sadly happy I was when mom decided to leave. She freed herself from the mansion my father had kept her locked in. She hated everything in his world, yet she stayed. She stayed for years, not for him but for me.

Another burden I carried every time she cried, thinking I was asleep. I never could, not when her warm tears soaked my cheeks. But I pretended I was. So she could cry her heart out. Instead of putting on the mask, the one she wore around my Dad. Sometimes I wonder why people make bad choices when it comes to love. As if nothing else matters even though it very much does.

"You are the future CEO, so behave like one," Dad had put that reminder like the millionth time since I turned eighteen. "Grow up, Jacob. I didn't raise you to be some damn hippie."

Funny that he had to mention raising me because that's the only job he ever did. I was the heir of his billion-dollar real estate company, nothing less, nothing more. He repeated that same statement every time we sat around the dinner table. It could accommodate a big royal feast. But it was only ever occupied by one and sometimes two residents of this mansion.

"I got an email," I said without a hint of hesitancy. I could sense the tension on the other end of the table. "From this university in Paris. I've been offered a place on the BFA in painting."

The room fell silent for a few seconds. I knew Dad wouldn't appreciate it, let alone feel thrilled about it. But then he wasn't ever thrilled about anything I did. I expected him to lash out or at least express his disapproval. He didn't say anything except pushing back his chair and storming out of the dining room. His footsteps echoed through the emptiness of the house, followed by the loud bang of his study door.

He ignored me once again like I didn't exist.

Hours later, I found myself sloppy drunk on the couch of an unknown house. Anna mentioned someone listed me for the graduation party. It was her idea. To blow off some of my frustration by getting drunk in a place where no one cares who you should be or who you are. Get dressed in all black like the color of my eyes, get yourself drunk beyond your threshold, and haul a girl or two. In case you are hopelessly sad or angry. Anna always had a way to deal with her mental health problems, unlike me. The first two were fine with me, but the last one always led to disaster.

"She's been looking at you since we walked into the party," Anna whispered beside me, taking a sip of whatever drink she was holding in the red cup. I took it from her hand, smelling pure vodka off of it. If Seb knew how his little sister had developed an appetite for liquor, he would blame me for that. Although I was positively sure, it was her who first trashed my father's bar. I played the heartbroken customer on the counter while she was my sexy, crazy, and cute bartender.

"Weren't you sticking to water tonight?" I contemplated the drink in my hand, whether to hand it back to her or put up a show by sipping it slowly while watching the girl, most definitely looking in my direction. She swayed her hips to Kenya West's song playing in the background. Her red hair matted on her forehead glowed under the party lights. She might be the distraction I could work on for the night. A faint voice at the back of my head laughed. 'Eighteen years and still a virgin. Would that change tonight?'

"I'm not lightweight like you, asshole," Anna snatched the vodka off my hand and bottomed it up. "And on a second thought, I would like to have her for myself tonight."

There it was again, the classic Anna move. She winked at me while joining the redhead on the dance floor. The girl seemed too drunk to bother who held her hips and pulled her back against their body. Anna did, knowing she wouldn't get rejected. I scoffed at her smug face, slumping down on the headrest of the couch. A couple was making out at the other end of it while I looked at the ceiling. 'Eighteen years and still a virgin. That won't change tonight.' The voice in my head mocked.

But something did change that night. Everything changed that night. And if I had known better, I shouldn't have gulped down an entire bottle of whiskey off the counter later that night.

***

Hello Guys!!

Sorry for making you all wait for so long, but I had to finish 'Dear Augustus' for the Contest. It took me a week to finally pull that off and complete the novella.

Now that I'm back, I will try to fall back into my schedule for this book.

I hope you have not given up on the book.

Do let me know if you want more of Jacob's pov.