Insanity In Sanity

Yet Hope Can Come

When you think everything has gotten as bad as it will get, things can only get better, right? Once again my innocence is showing. Or at least my hope that the world is actually a fair place.

I guess through everything I was always learning one thing: how to deal with being wrong. I had no idea how wrong I was.

I guess I need to back track. I need to take it back to that night. It was the night my world truly began to crumble.

When I got home my mom was walking out the door. She didn't say much, so the only thing that I knew was what I had got in a text earlier. "Stuff is happening with your sister. I'll be late pick you up." Stuff is happening.

When an officer came by to pick up edifice of something, he gave my stepdad the all clear to tell me what was happening.

Before I reiterate his words, I want to tell you that if this had been the end, I would have been fine, but there was nothing that could prepare me for what would happen later. There I go, getting a head of myself again.

I was told that my sister reported that she had broken the bowl that some fruit had been in, and that my mom had held her down while she cut her back.

First, there were shallow scratches on her back. Cuts that she had put there herself. Secondly, there was no broken glass anywhere. Third, the bowl she said she dropped, and broke was intact, clean, and in the cabinet.

At that point the police would have left, and said to take her to the hospital for self harming, but she didn't stop.

I am stopping though. At least for a moment.

This is starting to feel like her story. A biography of my sister's lies. This is supposed to be my story, so I'll tell you a bit more about me. A bit more about my feelings.

Through everything I wanted to believe that there was still good in the world. That the Universe was fair. Through everything I wanted to believe that everything would end.

Now, I feel like I am on a roller coaster that only goes down. That there is no end to the lies, the pain that scars a heart. So I have built up barriers.

Imagine my heart, a place where I care, I love. now place it in a cylinder. That has three thousand foot thick walls. Which are just as tall as they are thick.

I have built up almost impenetrable boundaries around myself. There are days when I don't laugh- I can't laugh, even if I want to. There are times when it is all I can do to look at people. I know they can hurt me, because even though I have walls, they can be broken down.

Nothing is indestructible. I wish that my walls were.

The most effective way that people break through my shell is by offering one thing- Hope. Hope that things will get better. Hope that I can make it through. Hope that this will end. The hope never lasts, it burns too fast. The heat of it burns my insides. It scars my mind with more lies, making me loose my ability to concentrate.

Lies cut, making my memory fail.

My mind is slowly fading. Sometimes I wonder if I'm in a nightmare, and I'm about to wake up. Then the memory of the nightmare would fade. I know that's not the case, but I still wish. I still need something to cling to.

I want to prepare you, like no one could prepare me.

There is evil in this world, and it touches all. Some it just brushes over, and fades, leavings bright beacon of hope, or light and beauty. Others it adds detail to, making them darker. Making their light fade. Making it go out all together. Evil created a master piece in my sister. A master of lies, deception. Yet it also touched me. I just didn't know it, so I didn't let it take me, create me.

My sister said that my stepdad sexually assaulted her the previous night.

This time, they could investigate. They could see her for either a liar, a manipulator, or a pure, and broken being. They took her to get a medical examination, to see if she was telling the truth.

I will leave you in a moment, and I will conclude this bit in a moment, but I have something to say first. It was not the accusation itself that hurt me, but what would come of it. What I would learn.

They found no evidence that any crime had been committed, but they found something else. Scars.

She had been sexually assaulted when she was younger.

When that came out, my parents started thinking back, and what they realized that could have been something other than what they thought at the time all pointed to one thing.

There was overwhelming evidence that I was too.

________

Well, there you go, another update!

This chapter goes to Calmarimon your awesome! And I love your TKM Chapter 32!

This song is When She Cries by Britt Nicole, it shows both Jamie and her sister.