Insanity In Sanity

What Do You Do With Life?

If you remember from my warning, I talked about how I would choose not to get involved with my life. Well, you might be wondering why I still deal with it. Why not just give up?

Well as explained before, I find suicide to be selfish.

So what do I do?

I push through. I don't give up, and I cry a lot.

Well, I guess your probably here to hear my story, not listen to me talk about myself.

Amongst my sister cutting, she got put in the hospital. That was to try to help her. It didn't work.

She has scars laced up and down her arms. Little white lines, barely visible against her pale skin. She also has scars on her thighs. All from her self.

But the scars she has caused are borne on more than just her, they are in me. Every time a new line would appear upon her skin, I would question what I was doing that could make her feel like physical pain was something she needed to have. That killing herself was the only option.

For a while, it was almost making me feel like giving up.

My mom confided in me. My sister was in the hospital, and my mom told me that she was so afraid of how the things my sister did would effect me. She wanted to protect me, no matter what my sister did. I was, other than my little brother, the only one who was still relatively unscathed from the encounters with reality.

I had lived a peaceful life, believing that war was something that could be solved with an apology, and a hug. That world hunger was something that could be ended by shipping a few things of food to countries that seemed years away. Yes, years. As in it would takes years to get there, even if I took a plane.

I was innocent. I believed that no one would lie. That life was like a book children's book. That if I fell down, my Prince Charming would come pick me up, and save me from anything.

I now know how blissful it is to live in that fantasy. I wish I could go back to those days.

But life isn't like that. You can only move forward, and be thankful for what you have. You can't wish for more, or to be someone else, because unless you work for it, you won't have it.

There are kids who can float upon the wealth of their parents. Kids who will never know what it is like to not be able to order the medication that someone needs. I know though. Some kids still live in that state of blissful ignorance, even as a High Schooler.

And that is another thing. Why can't High School teach us how to cope with an emotional volcano, or a life that is crumbling around you?

But once again I have strayed from the story. I'm sorry. I won't change what I wrote though. This is flowing from my mind to you.

I guess I need some time to figure out how to tell you more.

Just wait for me, please. I don't think I can go on alone much longer. And you, your my support.