INSEPARABLE

•°25°•

I'm currently in Ashton's room. The interior is fancy I may say. Meroon and white colour and black sheets. 

"For as long as you're married to me, we are sharing the room and the bed. You can choose to be a prude all you want. Oh, about earlier, don't get your hopes high. I only did what is expected of me."

He explains. Too bad I never get my hopes high just like that.

"Ashton you've said a lot and I listened. It's your turn to listen. You always made decisions on your own. I, too have made a decision. That I will stay only 30 days in this house. Until then, you will never see me ever again. Oh, and before you conclude, no, I don't need anything from you." He looks at me blankly. He's not expressing any emotion. I hate when he does that.

"I will go far away from you and everyone else." I said swinging my finger at him as I unpacked my things.

"Shay, even if you went today, it won't make a difference. My feelings for you died. I don't love you anymore. Your presence alone doesn't change anything. "

It feels like his words are piercing through me. The bitterness of truth is unbearable. If he only knew my main motive for coming here was to work out our differences, he wouldn't be saying all this. But I won't give him the benefit of the doubt just yet.
I stand my ground. I promised myself that I won't cry no matter what.

"Ashton, why are you telling me this? I never loved you and if you think you'll hurt me with mere words, you're joking. I was selfish, I agree but you Ashton, you are wrong and the sooner you accept it, the better."

I grab my towel and disappeared into the bathroom.
I lock the door and turn the water on.
I cup my mouth and muffled my cries. Breaking down for the second time in 24 hours, as I wait for the water to get warm.

After I bathed, I walked back into the room. Ashton is nowhere insight. I put my PJs on. A white and pink top and pink pants. I grab my phone and tucked myself in, shuffling through different apps on media.

It's always hard to sleep peacefully in a place where you are least wanted.
I put my phone away, trying to get some sleep.

I suddenly feel him sagging next to me and I pretend like I'm asleep. I feel like I'm gradually going through a process. Pain really changes people.

I start thinking about Danny and Jake's outrageous innuendo. The type of things they did behind my back. I suddenly feel the need to vomit. I run to the bathroom, knelt before the toilet pot and emptied my stomach.

Irrespective of the validity of my friendship with Danny, her actions were unholy.

In as much as treasured friendships forged over decades are not easily shaken by nasty actions, theirs was sacrilegious and I can't easily compose myself and forget what happened.

I felt my hair being held back and I throw up again. I feel so weak. I pushed Ashton's hand away and got up. I can feel Ashton's eyes on me the entire time.

I flash the toilet, flossed my mouth with mouthwash and went back to bed.

Trust me, there's nothing harder than holding tears back. It feels like my throat is swelling. The burning sensation makes you think your throat will burst at any moment.

I feel my eyes getting heavy and I let sleep take over.

~○~
~○~  ~○~

Once again I'm enclosed by darkness behind the four walls of a massive room alone . Not that I want him here. The light seeping through blinds makes me squint my eyes in discomfort. I hear a loud knock on the door.

"Come in!"

I instructed and the door opens slowly, revealing Judy.

"Goodmorning ma'am, breakfast is ready. Mr Mustafa is expecting you." Trust me, I know better. And better is that, no one with that surname is really expecting me. Let alone know I'm awake.

"Ms Judy, good morning. Did you sleep well? And please call me Shallo."
I allow myself a warm smile and she returns it. There's always something ethical and satisfactory about a returned smile.

"I slept well sweetheart. How's your morning?"

"Good."

"You really know how to create your little place in people's hearts. Get ready, your breakfast will get cold." I yawn pulling the sheets just above my chest.

"I'm not hungry Ms. Judy. Tell Mr. Mustafa not to worry too much."

Judy nods sadly and turns around to leave.

A few minutes later, the door opens and Yara walks in holding a tray with a grey bowl on it.

"Good morning sister in law."
She joyfully whoops as she plops down next to me. Low-key, I wanted it to be him. Walking up here with that tray in his hands. Tell me goodmorning before anyone else does.
Is it real what I'm feeling?  Infatuation, loneliness. That's really it. My mind is just playing tricks on me.

"Goodmorning Yara!"
I respond looking at the bowl of mixed fruits and a glass of milk. My mouth is craving but my tummy won't allow it.

"Ashton asked me to bring you breakfast, you're not feeling well."

"I'm fine Yara." I convinced myself. Truly I'm not fine. Not physically but emotionally. I'm not okay. I wanna speak up and tell someone how I feel.

When mom was alive, she told me that, we get easily attached through rejection. She told me that, we yearn strongly for those that push us away. I wish she was here, she would have known exactly what to do.

"Shallo, I wish I could tell you what happened last night."
She says refraining from saying too much.

"Ashton-"

"What happened to him? Is he okay?"
I ask, desperately. She looks at me and giggled.

"I know he's your husband but you don't need to sound like that. I need to go to work early today, we'll talk about it when I'm back?"

She says interrogatively, getting up.

"Can't we talk about it when I get there too?"

"Shay, I don't know about you still working at the cafe."

"What do you mean by that?"
I ask afraid to hear what she'll say next.

"What she meant was that, you'll no longer work at the cafe."