Growing Up

Ingnore

How do you tell your boyfriend that you kissed someone else. Sure if its a girl it would have been hot and he would have wanted to know what it was like. No I had to kiss Fernando. He was a jerk but he had his soft sides. Oh sure I could tell Johnny I was in the heat of the moment--I looked down searching for the buzzing that was eating at my consciousness. Johnny, it had been the first of many. I pressed ignore. Several times over and over I had pressed ignore, replaying that one moment.

I couldn't live with the fact that eventually I'd have to see him at school. I'd have to sit against his broad chest picking grass off the lawn and talk about it. Maybe someone already did, the fact that I had kissed him could be all over the school by now. My phone was a buzzing burden to me, I hadn't used it for a while, I mean sure Billy called once in a while and my grandparents. I threw it against the brown and beige and watched it silently fade to black.

"Johnny I kissed Fernando. NO! So Johnny about that date--it wasn't really all that so how was your day alone. MAYBE?!?! Okay so in the heat of the--NO!!! I can not tell him that I kissed him--his one enemy I had to kiss. Maybe just maybe I'll be lucky  for once and he won't find out." I prayed that he'd be okay and not ask so many questions. The weekend faded by with the buzzing of my phone and the constant IM of people from school. I had shut myself away from the world hoping that maybe it would all go away and I wouldn't have to come out and face him.

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ENDING OF APRIL

MONDAY

Johnny hadn't been waiting for me outside, maybe he got the picture or was shown the wrong one. I walked quickly to match the pace of everyone headed towards school, I'd ducked and weaved in and out of people hoping that he wouldn't spot me out of thousands. I heard a faint call of my name, but brushed it off walked that much faster.

I shouldn't have been scared or wished for another day to hide, but I was and I did. Guilt was the only thing holding me back from being in his arms again. "Milly!!" There it was, that football that should have hit me months ago, nailed me. I remember the open hallway and watching Johnny get down to my level calling out something. I turned over, the tears in my eyes erased his perfect smile and dimmed my light.

The nurse, Mrs. Ford, had been working busily with a parent issuing out papers for a transfer student. The bright lights had been another annoyance to the spliting headache and seeing Johnny asleep in the chair waiting for me to wake up. "Oh God, is this punishment." Johnny stirred awake to look at me. His eyes had been red from tears and his look was angry. "Johnny I can explain everything." 'Maybe I sure as hell hope so.'

"Milly just save it for your boyfriend." He'd heard, he was so childish and yet he had every right to be mad nd upset with me. I had lied, I had ignored, I had--cheated.

"Johnny just listen to me." He got up and started to walk away, when he turned around in one swift motion to retrieve the necklace from my neck. He grabbed it and looked down into my pleading eyes and snatched it away. I got up tangled in the sheets, my face meeting the floor in perfect harmony with the door slamming. "Johnny."

It wasn't supposed to have ended like that, but it did. Only thing is, he'd actually have a part of me with him. I refused to cry, I'd get him back and make him unsderstand. Mrs. Ford stepped in and lifted me from the floor. "Honey you know what I realized about you--you can pick the nicest boy but end up being too afraid to let him know how you feel. Be honest and trust that you won't mess up." I'd smelt a light hint of lavender and noticed that familiar motherly smile. If it was a sign, than I had learned my lesson.

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FIRST WEEK OF MAY

It was late and the beginnig  heat of May was stiffling. I hadn't thought much about what to say when or more so if I saw him. He'd been walking with a bunch of the guys from the team when he'd finally noticed me. I looked up, not sure whether to smile, jump and run, or to hold my ground. I had been contemplating the whole situation, pleading that it would  be easy. He stormed across the grass getting to me before I could take a breath. "Why are you at my house?"

"I needed you to hear the truth, from me." I had looked down at my pastel blue toe nails and rainbow flip flops. It was easy in front of a mirror. I had practiced in front of his picture, pinned to my mirror, for hours. I had been avoiding his rushing hoping that he wouldn't catch up to me. I looked terrible. My pointail wasn't neat or nearly organized, red strands kept hitting me in the face. So much easier when I didn't have to listen to his voice, or look in those coffee coated eyes.

"The truth what is it then?" Good question, a damned good one. I didn't honestly know. I didn't even think he was going to talk to me. That part I hadn't practiced, I had been so worked up on saying hi.

"The truth is--" Apprehensive--daring and hopefully the right thing, I kissed him. He wanted to push me back, but I wouldn't let him go. I pulled him in closer. "Johnny you are the only one." The one thing I learned from Fernando, to make a point you need to make the first move.

He stood back and looked down at me, searching scanning for my lies. I was showing him the best way I knew how. "Milly--." He drew me into another frenzy of kisses and deep warm breaths. I had found my light in a dark situation. "Why?"

"I'm sorry--it wasn't supposed to be like this. In the fairytales you know what's going to happen, but in real life nobody has any idea." Squid came running up and hugged me. "I wish I could take it back." He wiped my cheek clearing it of hair and kissed me, why did Johnny have to be so perfect to me?? His hand left my cheek, the guilty pain stung my face. 

"Milly--" I heard the distrust in his voice. "I'll talk to you later?" I nodded. I felt the lump dry out my throat, I had never been so scared. He looked nervous. I waved as him and his team left. It was all a lie.