Growing Up

Different Answers

Back at home I made some waffles and bacon. ‘Leggo the Ego’. Eventually, I got bored and sat on the counter. I waited for that bacon to cook. For some reason it wouldn’t cook that fast. When out of random, Billy comes in the kitchen.

I felt like I was in one of those sappy old movies where the girl has sex on the counter and the killer comes and kills the boy friend. Than the girl runs up the stairs and gets killed [because she doesn’t run outside to the car. And when they do they don’t roll up the windows.] He looked at me like I was some rare jewel, or something of high importance. Well more like a baby lamb he was gonna devour for dinner.

Billy grabbed me and pushed me against the muted brown cabinets. His hands placed gently upon my thighs. I slid my hands up and down his face-he had stubble-I liked it. After a few seconds I rapped my arms around his neck while he leaned in claiming his prize. I began to blush; I was red as a tomato. He smiled and I blushed even brighter. I hadn’t felt so good being with a guy in a long time. We kissed on the counter top for a decent thirty minutes.‘Life was good. I mean yeah alone in a house with you bf, on a school day.’

Who’s complaining?

As a result of my stupidity, I remembered the bacon(it was on low so I wouldn’t burn it)after the grease had caught on fire. I smelt something. “Shit, the bacon. Billy hurry up and turn off the fire and open the windows.” I grabbed the skillet and dumped it in the sink. Billy ran all around the house opening widows of various shapes. As I ran cold water on it, steam began to billow and screech from the pan. I gently stuck the pan in the sink and turned off the water.‘I didn’t burn the house down. That is a first.’I sighed and dropped to the floor wearily.

From out of nowhere I was swooped up and taken to the living room, than thrown on the couch. Billy jumped me, he pinned my hands down and said, “Milly, tell me you love me and I might let you go.” He grabbed me and pulled me in for a kiss. I needed to ask him but I was scared. I was worried that if I asked he would be furious with me and it would hurt to watch that. So I desperately tried, and succeeded at putting on my best sad face. I held it for as long as possible. Once he looked at my face he stopped.

“What’s wrong?” his smile turned to a frown and then he tickled me. I pushed him off of me. I sat up and sat in Indian style. My red hair was shining in the crack of sun that made it through the curtains, but it was a mess from being pushed onto a couch.

“I need to ask you something.” I ran my fingers through my hair trying to cover my face. His frown turned into a solid line and tears welled up in his eyes. They soon began to drip like the rain that would drown out my crying each and every night. He got up and moved to the corner of the couch. I crawled to where he was and sat on his lap and lay against his chest. I pursed my lips together, I wanted to say something. I had to say something.‘Mills, don’t be selfish, be there for him. Right? It’s not because of then, do you really love me, or is it my selfishness keeping you here? That’s the right thing to do? Do you even feel the same?’

My heart beat selfishly as I tried to weasel information from him, but something felt odd, “I Love You” was just something to tell him, maybe the seasons were changing. He didn’t know a damn thing about me. But I didn’t want to be alone, so this was all there was too it? I could do so much better.

“Yes. Billy I do love you, forever and ever.”‘Lie, Milly you’re lying, just tell him!’His heartbeat was steady just like the beat of the rain that rocked me gently to sleep every night for the last week. The same rain that reminded me of that day, we were walking home and then it happened.

“I love you too, Milly.” He paused for a second. I batted my eyes trying not to let the tears fall from my face as he cradled me like a baby(it was nice), it was so hard to not show emotions. I didn’t want to make it about me but I always seemed too. I needed to be there for him, I wanted to be the one person in his life he could count on, so he could have someone. So I wouldn't end up all alone, like him forcing myself to love someone.

“You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.” I interrupted him, I didn’t need to know. I placed my hand in his hands. Our fingers linked. My eyes were heavy, they began to close. He softly petted my hair with his free hand and we lay there. His big hands were so comforting, I loved being with him and he made it so easy too, or used to.

He started up a few minutes later, after we got warm under a blanket I found next to the couch. “I diditbecause I had nothing go right in my life. My dad left my mom. She picked up drinking, bringing home different guys home every single night. When I was a kid they’d beat me, I tried to tell her. She was too drunk to even recognize anything; she laughed and called me aliar. And Joseph, my jack ass brother, started smoking pot. However, Milly then you came in my life, my life had gotten easier. You are the ONLY good thing in my life.” We laid there silent.

“Liar”those words seemed to ring in my ear. Like she was speaking to me, calling me a liar, and how I felt a lie. This moment I knew I couldn’t lie to myself. How could she do that to him; to Billy?

“Well then Billy, I will be here always. I want you to stop! If you ever need anyone to be there I am always here for you. It scares me, what if you slip, than I won’t ever see you again. So just stop. Okay?” I was crying now, hot streams drenched his shirt.‘I wasn’t crying for him, I was crying for myself and the thought of being alone. Not because he was hurting himself, but being alone. I was truly a selfish.’All of a sudden I felt his cool lips gently touch my forehead. I was fighting the urge to fall asleep. I needed to be there but I couldn’t help it. In order for him not to leave I had so seem like I wanted him there. I fell asleep. It was like I was back to being five again, being held in his arms and I knew that things were always going to be good; life was good.

He had left the house to go be alone, something that had seemed to suit us best more recently. I was tired of him and he was sick of me.