Growing Up

Days Of The Week: Silently Creep

 I woke up to me on the ground and a tall looming shadow over me, “Hey that wasn't very brother like of you.” I said half laughing while getting off the floor. I looked up and realized it was Billy.

“Well actually I was hoping we could talk, please Milly. I just need an explanation, tell me what I did wrong.” His face stone, he looked more like a male model who somehow got lost in my house on his way to Rome. He didn’t look like the same old Billy who’d take me to Olive Garden. He was now a man who I’d have to give up. A man I needed to forget.

“What is there to talk about?” I shot more venom into him. I already made it clear yesterday. It’s—it’s. . .” I had to breathe and tell him that it’s over. I was still madly in love with the thought of this boy, this guy, this man. He was my everything, my rock and I was giving it up to save him the trouble. “Its over, well at least what we pretended to have is anyway, so move on.” I whispered pointing to the door. “One favor, please take Cami to prom. Be good to her and for me, be safe.” I was choking on her name. It wasn’t her name, it was me. I was chocking on my decision. I wanted to take it back, “And please... this is it, you don’t own me anything after this. Your debt is paid in full.”

“Okay, and you please never forget that I will always be grateful to you and be careful. I’ll always be looking out for you.” He smiled that unforgettable smile and walked a little bit closer. He grabbed my face and held it in his large warm hands, my tears wouldn’t fall. He didn’t flinch either. He kissed me—our final good-bye. Still no tears fell. I watched him leave through the door; I dropped to my knees and stayed there. I reached out my hand like I could reach him and make him stop. You could only hear my tears drip to the hardwood floor, and the sound of a breaking heart.

I stayed there on that floor, a haze took over my mind. I blanked. I heard George calling out to me, crying every night. He’d call the doctors. Whispers: ‘she’s barely hanging on to a thread. It’s like she knows what’s happening but doesn’t want to respond.’ Days went by and I still didn’t know what happened.

TUESDAY

               I woke up on my bed in the same clothes from Friday. I couldn’t figure out why there was an empty space in my heart. It hurt to move, to breathe—I finally understood why. It was Billy, he was the missing piece to my heart and without him I was empty. I sat on the day bed under the window and looked at the gray blue sky, tears fell just as they came—silent.

Night was no better, I screamed and cried. Kicked and wished I could take it all back. To die like my heart had when I looked at his face walk out the door for the last time. George would rush in and hold me, when I stopped he’d leave, but Billy’s face would show up and I’d see his eyes. Those eyes of someone so lost inside, dying so slowly.

WEDNESDAY

               Nothing

THURSDAY

               Nothing

FRIDAY

               Nothing                   

SATURDAY

               Nothing

SUNDAY

               Nothing

MONDAY

               Days went by, I hadn’t moved from that day bed. Until today. It was the last day for my make up physics test. Great. It had been at least a week and everyone moves on, so I guess that meant the same for me. It was all my fault anyway, I made the decision, he had done enough for me, he needed someone who'd actually love him.

               George came in with a smile on his face, “Mills I have good news. I am your guardian now.” He pulled me into his big broad chest and held me. “Mills, wake up. You have gotta move on. Especially if you ended it, you’ve gotta be the one to fix it. Be strong kiddo. I love you and I’m sure he could still say the same—if you gave him the chance.” He waved off as he went downstairs to get the phone.

I rushed to the shower my body moving mechanically. I had to make things right. Before he asked her. I ran down the stairs, was it the smart thing to do, to even try to get back to a relationship that never was. “George to the car, come on lets go. Hurry up!” He told our grandparents bye and we were off. The car ride was quiet, he smiled the whole way there. Still he had something on his mind. “George tell me. Who is she?”

His smile widened, “Don’t you have to go get him?” I stuck my tongue out and ran for the quad. The fastest I ran in a long time, I was running because I needed my rock, and because he was the closest thing to love I’ve had. I WASN'T READY TO BE ALONE YET.

I was dodging and ducking around all the people when I saw him take her in his arms—they kissed, he kissed her. So it was just for servitude, he didn’t love me, he didn’t even care about me. He’d clearly found someone to love, that he didn’t owe his life to, that would love him unconditionally.

               I stopped dead in my tracks. My backpack plopped on the floor, people were flurrying past me, but the only thing I saw was his lips on hers. “Milly—hey Milly!” I was tackled to the ground, as I watched a football whizz by where my head was just a second before that. I shot up sitting with my legs dangling over the edge of the over view. I felt two hands on my face. I was looking through those warm brown eyes. I saw him, his arms around her waist. Their fingers linked—I was too late.

“Mills you okay? Milly look in my eyes and tell me your okay.” His eyes were a deep cocoa full of concern.

“Johnny”, an inaudible whisper. I was stunned, I felt my heart explode in my chest. His hands wrapped in her blonde hair, I knew she’d won. I sat next to him looking in his eyes, but nothing would come out. I was too embarrassed to even respond, but my heart could say otherwise.  I got up and walked away, my hand clutching my chest, it hurt to walk away from him, but right now my mind and heart were having technical malfunctions.

I went to my physics class to make up the test. I passed with an A. My 4.0 remained and I would get into school of my choice. Hell ya. I had no classes scheduled for today. So I stayed on the football field and watched the guys practice. I watched Johnny, I couldn’t take my eyes away from him. It was the last game of the year for our seniors.

                A few weeks before prom and then two months till graduation.

“Hey girl, I saw what he did for you today.” Stacy always here always there, she wasn’t ever really in one place. “He saved your life and you didn’t even speak to him—crazy.”

“Ya,” my long sigh said it all, “I guess he did.” I looked up at her as she was getting up to go to who knew where. Her long chocolate hair bobbing in its cute little hair cut. She had the most amazing figure, but she never showed it, added more to her indescribable charm.

“You know if someone saves your life, you’re usually indebted to them. A life of servitude, think of all the things he could make you do.” She knew something, but wouldn’t tell me, my face clearly must have said something because she skipped a few steps and turned to wave at me.