Stellar | ENG

chapter 11

I slowly opened the door of my dormitory, so as not to wake anyone up, it was about 11.30.

As soon as I stepped into the room I saw a Hermione jump in front of me.
The desk light on, books still open, papers all over the place.

"Where have you been?" she asked with a scowl.
"Are you still studying?" I said avoiding the question, my gaze turned to the desk.
"Yes. Where have you been?" she replied quickly, putting the question back to me.
"I was finishing my spell assignment," I made up.
"Yeah but where?" she was becoming more and more suspicious.
"I was at Seamus'" I prayed she would believe me.
I certainly couldn't say I was in the Common Room, if she was there, which was very likely, she would know the truth and become even more suspicious.

"Mmm and since when is Seamus a Slytherin?" I looked at her dumbfounded for a few moments, then remembered.

I looked down and saw that I was still wearing Adrian's jumper.

I looked back at Hermione, who was now at arm's length with a grin on her face.

"This? Err-eh" I stammered, I had no idea what to come up with
"it's Bianca's!" a stroke of genius came over me
"she lent it to me in class today, I forgot to give it back" it was a believable excuse after all, anyone could have fallen for it, anyone but Hermione.

"What are you still doing up?" I asked, trying to change the subject of the conversation.
"I'm studying herbology" "Why do we have an assignment?" I was more panicked than ever
"No it's fine I'm just moving on"
"I will never understand you Hermione. Staying up this late just to get ahead" I said starting to pull my jumper off my head.

I didn't really want to take it off, but if I didn't Hermione would start to get suspicious again.

As soon as I took it off, the nice scent that was previously intoxicating my nostrils gradually left me.
Before placing it on a chair, while Hermione was turned around, I sniffed it one last time, to smell it, HIS smell.

As soon as Hermione moved, I quickly put the jumper down on the chair and headed for the bathroom.
I put on my pajamas, brushed my teeth, and took my makeup off.
I was just leaving the bathroom when I noticed Hermione with the green jumper in her hand.

As soon as I saw her, my blood froze in my veins and I instinctively froze.
She heard me, immediately looked up and looked me straight in the eye, that grin again.

"Since when are Bianca's initials A. P.?" she said, looking at the label.

I tried to speak several times, but as soon as I opened my mouth I immediately closed it, I was caught off guard and at the moment I couldn't think of any excuse, she had caught me red-handed.
"Are you going to tell me who it is or do I have to guess?" she said, aware that she had the upper hand.

There was nothing I could do, she was too smart to get around it. So I decided to tell her the truth before she made any mental films.

"Adrian" "Puceyyy???" I just nodded, not looking her in the eye.
"Awwwww, that's so cute. I can already picture you two together" she began to fantasize about the two of us.
"Hermione stop it! We're not together" my tone was bored, it hurt to say it, even think it, but it was the reality of the situation.

"Not yet."
"No! Not now, not ever," I said in a firm tone, almost shouting, but I felt something inside me break.
It was true, even if for some strange reason he had ever liked me we could never be together.
For Seamus. For Bianca. I couldn't break their hearts.

I felt my cheek grow warm and wet. Tears began to stream down my face and my eyes became red and swollen.

Soon after, I felt her pull me into an embrace, in which I silently let go.

"I'm sorry, that wasn't my intention. Do you want to talk about it?" she said, not letting go of me.
"You're going to ask me anyway," a small laugh escaped my lips.

We let go of each other's embrace, and sat down on my bed.
I immediately hugged a pillow, to replace Hermione's.

I started telling her everything. About Seamus, about Adrian, about Bianca, and even about Dobby's surprise entrance.

"I don't know what to do," I said right after I finished recounting the events that had happened.
"What would make you happy?"
"That's the thing. I have no idea. I'd hurt someone anyway," I said as I lay down on the bed, covering my face with the pillow I was hugging earlier.

" The kiss with Seamus wasn't bad, but it didn't feel right. So I think I'll tell him to stay frien-" I was immediately interrupted by Hermione.

"Wait you said you don't know how you feel?" she asked intrigued.
I merely nodded

"I got it! Try kissing someone else and see how you feel!" she said all excited.
"Hermione I don't think it's right. Besides, who would kiss me?"
"Ad-" "See! You misunderstand everything!" I interrupted her, rolling my eyes.

"Okay okay" she raised her hands defensively "how can you be so blind? You have almost the whole school at your feet andand you don't even realize it."
"Stop it you know damn well that's not true."
"If you say so," she said sarcastically, "I'll find someone tomorrow anyway."
"But I didn't say so" in the middle of this sentence she got up from my bed and went to the bathroom.

In the meantime I started thinking.
~Am I doing the right thing? Maybe it's better to get with Seamus, we've known everything about each other for a very long time now, in a certain way we're meant to be together.
But at the same time, I felt emotions with Adrian tonight that I haven't felt in years with Seamus. Why does everything have to be so hard?
Maybe I just need to ignore all this mess and get back to how I was a few days ago.
Being best friends with Seamus, best friends with Bianca, and a stranger with Adrian.
But then my mind took me back to that moment in the astronomy tower. Where it was just me and him, lit only by the light of the stars and the moon, inches from each other, trying to close the little space between us.
Everything was so perfect. Everything about him was perfect. Everything but me.
A confused little girl who doesn't know how to choose. She doesn't have to fight to have two of the sweetest, most caring boys alive. A little girl who's had everything handed to her on a silver platter.
What happened to the determined Rose? The determined Rose? The one who was so sure of her choices.
Will she still be there? Will she be behind all this build-up of insecurities and stress? Or has she gone and left me to deal with these issues on my own?~

"And what are you going to do about Adrian?" asked Hermione coming back from the bathroom, brushing her hair.
"Ignore him."