Stellar | ENG

chapter 24

<Adrian's pov>

Dear Adrian,
I'm sorry for everything that happened, I was wrong, I know that, but believe me when I say it wasn't done to hurt you. It wasn't my idea, but I don't want to put the blame on anyone, I'm the one who acted, no matter how much pressure I was under, I should have kept saying no, for you.
I know it won't make you feel better, but that kiss meant absolutely nothing to me, in fact to be honest it was horrible, it was an obligation that I performed like a puppet listening to others, and during that mistake I couldn't think of anything but you.
Of you and the way you look at me, caress me, hug me, kiss me. Every single gesture of yours makes me feel special, it makes something explode inside me, as if butterflies in my stomach were colliding one against the other without control, my heart is beating so fast that it could break anything, I can hardly breathe from the emotion. Because yes you do have that effect on me Adrian Pucey and seeing you suffer because of me literally broke me inside.
I felt as empty as I've ever felt.
Not feeling our hands touch, not hearing your voice, not being able to lose myself in your eyes because as soon as they intertwine with mine I turn them away, not seeing your radiant smiles that brighten my days anymore.
No longer having you during my days has made them monotonous and sad, without a reason.
It took me a while to realise this, and I am sorry I could not realise it sooner, I love you, and it is only thanks to you that I really understood what love is.
I knew the word, but I had never understood its true meaning, but thanks to you I understood every single nuance of it.
I've always dreamed that someone would care about me as much as you do, that someone would hug me like you do, kiss me by perfectly connecting our lips to each other, but I never thought that even with just a glance I could feel so happy, so excited, so alive.
I don't expect everything to go back to the way it was before, I don't even want to force you to do something that wouldn't be genuine, because yes even if you didn't feel as strong emotions as you told me you did before, you would try to act as if you still felt them so as not to make me feel bad, because you're a good person, behind the tough air you try to maintain in front of everyone there is actually a person with a heart of gold, kind, polite, caring, and I'm honoured to have met her, that you have shown me this deeper side of you.
I don't deserve you.
Take your time and behave as you feel, as your heart tells you, not your conscience, I will in any case be there waiting for you.
I love you, my heart belongs to you.
Yours                           
Rose

I could not conceive.
She loved me, she really loved me.
She felt the same feelings as I did, she managed to describe them perfectly, without even knowing it.

Unconsciously I began to caress her face.

I didn't care what she had done, it was a mistake and I would have forgiven her right away, I was just held back by the fear that she had felt something and had forgotten about me.

So I did what I do best, ignore my feelings.

But they were killing me inside and seeing her crying in the hallway, because of me was the final blow, which broke me inside.

Then at the game I saw Davies' behaviour and tried to replace the pain with anger and keep my stone heart cover.
But now that I think about it she didn't look comfortable, but of course with my idiot thoughts I didn't realise.

I kept mulling over my thoughts and watching Rose's body motionless, unresponsive, with my eyes probably expressing all my pain.
How I wanted to scream that I love her to see her reaction, hold her in my arms and fill her with kisses.

"I forgive you, come back to me" I was interrupted by the screams of Bianca's broken voice.

Her face all red and her eyes filled with tears. "Come back to me" she said lowering her voice slightly choked with sobs.
She bent down and embraced her, holding the letter addressed to her with all the strength he could, as if he was afraid someone would take it away.

Not knowing what to do, I merely rubbed my hand along his arm in comfort, not letting go of Rose's icy hand.

I hope the bloody Mandrakes are ready soon.