"She moved with shameless wonder."
In which Ranboo meets a girl named after the stars. A girl with a troubled past who's meant to find a community and instead they both find a best friend.
Her path of self-destruction and anger leads her to her cous...
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He's going to leave you You aren't good enough for him
Shut up
You know I'm right Asteria
He loves me
But is that going to be enough?
6am and Ash has been tossing in turning in her bed for hours. The last three weeks had been filled with blissful happiness. Ranboo had officially asked her to be his girlfriend two weeks prior. He had flat out asked her on call one day, something she preferred instead of making a deal out of it.
Just after the overthinking had subsided but it soon came back. Like an wave from the ocean threatening to drown her. Her own brain refusing to let her believe she's lovable, sabotaging her own happiness.
She gets up from her bed, giving up on any amount of sleep. She quietly leaves the apartment and heads up to the roof.
Maybe she can find some peace in the rising sun.
She sits watching the stars fade away as the sun rises bringing with it the bright oranges and yellows while it turns from night to day. Ash is usually a bigger fan of sunsets but today this sunrise feels like it was meant for her to see.
She stays up on the roof long after the sun has risen. Her phone laying on the ground next to her occasionally lighting up with varies texts, discord and twitter notifications. The only one she's answered is Techno asking where she is.
The door opens behind her and her cousin slowly walks over to her and sits down.
"You okay?" He asks and Ash nods.
"Just got a lot on my mind."
"Want to talk about it?"
"Maybe in a few minutes." Techno nods and they sit together. The city has woken up around them so the sound of the moving cars filling what would be silence.
"Ranboo's my boyfriend," Ash says quietly. "And I love him."
Techno looks over at her, "I kinda figured that one out on my own." He gives her a small smile. "I saw the way you two looked at each other, the way you acted. I figured if you weren't already, you know together, it wouldn't take long."
Ash nods and sighs, resting her head in her hands. "I love him but I don't know if I can keep going with this.
I haven't slept much since he left because all I can think about is how awful it would be to lose him. I'm up all night and my brain is just telling me to end things with him. Maybe I'm just freaking myself out and have nothing to worry about. Or maybe I'm right and this isn't going to end well and we are both going to end up hurt."
"Maybe," Techno says. "I can't make your choices for you Ash; but I see more than you think. I know it seems scary but if you could look at you two from my perceptive you'd see something so many people search their whole life times to have you two have and you're only teenagers. If you think it'd be best to stop the hurt before it gets the chance to happen then that's up to you."
"What would you do? Please just tell me, I'm struggling here and I just don't know what to do."
"Sometimes the things that hurt the most are what's truly worth it. It's better to have loved him with the risk of that hurt then not at all." Techno slowly gets up from the ground. "Head inside when you're ready."
He walks away, the rocks crunching under his feet and when he reaches the door he looks back one more time at his cousin before heading down the stairs.
Ash remains on the roof, time a nonexistent thought. She thinks about what to do, taking in account Technos words.
People search their wholes life times to have what you two have.
Would they want what they have if they knew how badly it would hurt?
Ash loves him, loves him more than anything. That should be enough. Yet she doesn't feel like her love can stretch over 2,000 miles.
She comes to the conclusion Ranboo doesn't deserve to be led on by her if she's having doubts. She doesn't deserve him, she's to much of a mess to love him the way he deserves.
She picks up her phone and slowly opens the several unread texts from him that had acquired over the day.
Ranboo my beloved <3 Want to call? Ash? Are you okay? You're probably busy. I miss you and love you!
Ash my beloved <3 Can we talk?
Ranboo My Beloved <3 Of course
Incoming call from Ranboo My Beloved <3 Accept;Decline
"Hey," Ranboo says, obviously in a good mood. Ash's heart cracks a bit knowing she would be ruining that.
"Hey," her whisper barely audible. She can already feel the tears form and she wipes them away.
"Are you okay?"
"Uh- yeah. Well no not really. I just really need to talk to you."
"Okay," he says carefully, "what's up?"
"I don't think I can do this."
Ranboo's heart sinks in his chest and he has to catch his breath. Surely he had to have heard that wrong, she wouldn't mean. A slight quiver in his voice appears as he speaks, "what do you mean?"
"I- we can't do this anymore." Ranboo goes to interrupt and is quickly stopped. "Please just let me talk."
"This isn't fair to you, me having doubts and staying. I love you, I really really do but you deserve someone who isn't a tragic wreck. Someone that can do more than love you. Someone to be there with you. I'm not that person, I want to be, but I'm not. I don't deserve you.
Think of this as a preemptive breakup. It will hurt less then if you drag on."
"Ash please," Ranboo says. "You don't need to deserve me. I want you, I love you. Please don't do this."
"I'm sorry, I'll- I don't know talk to you later." The line goes dead as she hangs up before she cracks and goes back to him, like her heart is begging her to.
