Gem in the Rough

Chapter 28

"Twins? Twins?" I repeat. I stand now, away from Kieran's touch. I can't think of that right now, my mind is running on overdrive.

My mom cries, her head in her hands. She won't look at me. I'm pacing across the living room, silent tears running down my chubby cheeks. My sweatshirt is long, going over my hands and I grip onto the sleeves for dear life.

She finally speaks up and tells me everything I've been waiting to hear my whole life.

"I met your father when we were in high school. High school sweethearts, cliché right?" She chuckles half-heartedly, wiping some tears away, and then continues.

"We got married and eventually we outgrew each other. We were young and we thought we had to get married right away, so when we were old enough to actually know who we were as people, we weren't in love with each other anymore. I tried to leave him a few times, but Ted always begged me to stay, saying that we could fix it and that he could change.

"I told him that he shouldn't have to change, that we were different people than we were in high school, and we didn't grow together like we thought we would. He didn't want to give up on us. I admired his determination, but I couldn't take it anymore. We weren't affectionate towards each other anymore; he was always working even when he wasn't at the office. He was always on his computers or watching movies. Those damn things."

Kieran leans and hands her some tissues as I pace, denying a tissue that he held out to me. I want to hear the rest and the pacing helps me focus, my tears long forgotten.

"Ted didn't even realize when I started having the affair."

My eyes bulge from my face and I stop in my tracks.

"I was barely ever home, but he didn't notice. How does a man not notice when his wife isn't coming home at night?" She's staring ahead, like reliving memories, unaware of anything else around her.

"I found out I was pregnant after I was with this other man for a year. I told your father, and he was devastated, of course. He realized how much he had neglected our relationship and my needs, so he didn't fight me when I asked for a divorce. At least, until it came down to signing the papers.

"I found out I was having twins and I was so happy. I always wanted to be a mom." She starts sobbing again and tries to calm herself before she speaks again, but she doesn't continue the story, she just starts apologizing without stopping.

"I'm so sorry, Gemma. I'm so so sorry. I'm sorry. I can't...I can't...I'm so sorry. I can't...breathe." She starts hyperventilating and Kieran makes his way over to her, trying to help her calm down. I'm frozen in place, not sure what to do.

I don't even know what to do with this information and I know there's more coming. I don't know if I can handle it. I was fragile before seeing my mom again; now I feel like I'll implode, an invisible mess inside of me that I'm not sure I can clean up. I take a seat on the couch again, trying to piece my own mind together while Kieran and my mom are breathing together.

I can't help it when my thoughts are sidetracked, thinking about how compassionate Kieran is. He's trying to take care of me and of my mom. As much as she infuriates and confuses me in this moment, I know she means something to him.

This situation must not be easy for him and he's trying to make sure we're kept together, at least for this moment. Tears spring to my eyes from the thought, knowing that even though I'm not trying to be selfish, I kind of am. I need to check in with him as soon as this mess is over.

I bring my thoughts back to the situation at hand, noting that my mom is looking at me, asking if she should she start again. I nod in her direction, staring straight into her eyes.

"Your dad is a good man, Gemma. I didn't want to have to tell you this, but the time has come and you're here now. This will change your look on him forever, are you sure you want to know?"

I don't hesitate. "Yes."

She sighs and begins. "He found out about the twins; I still don't know how. He demanded that he get to keep one of you. I'm guessing your father never told you that he comes from money..." My eyes widen again, and I jolt in surprise. "His family left him quite a bit of money and there was a prenup when we got married. I was young and didn't really know what I was doing. I thought it wouldn't matter because we were so in love. I never thought we'd get a divorce. Well, turns out there was a clause written that if there was infidelity of any kind, then the person who committed the affair would leave the marriage with nothing.

"I couldn't raise any babies without any money. I couldn't leave without anything; I was barely working at the time because your dad wanted to be the provider. I didn't see another way. So, Ted took you and I took Jillian. There was no rhyme or reason on who took which twin, it was random. Not like that makes it any better." She scoffs and wipes her eyes with a tissue. They're red and I notice how brown they are. They match mine.

"He said I would get half if I left you with him so he could raise you. He always wanted children too, but it just didn't happen for us. I think that he believed he would never find anyone else to have kids with, so he wanted to take this 'opportunity' to have a child he could raise. He didn't want to be alone. Ted never did do well with being alone.

"A part of the agreement was that I couldn't be a part of your life. He didn't want any trace of me. I thought moving a few hours away would be sufficient, but also close enough if I wanted to find you, if I could suck up my pride and fight for you. I never did, I'm so sorry."

I shake my head, not wanting to hear any more. Not able to hear it. "What about the picture?"

She looks at me, confusion on her face, "what picture?"

"I have a picture of us when I was a toddler. We're in the park and you're holding me on a slide. That's the only picture I have of us."

A look of realization comes to her, and then it's replaced with disgust. She doesn't speak.

"What? Tell me!" My voice rises without my permission and Kieran's hand is on my arm now to give me strength.

"That's Jillian, not you."

The world turns black.

--

My head aches as my eyes slowly open. I look at the ceiling and I don't recognize the light fixture above me. Where am I?

"Gem? Are you okay? You fainted." I hear Kieran's voice and I sigh in relief. I realize now that I'm on the couch. He had moved me, so I was lying down.

"Yeah, I'm okay. Sorry." I move to get up, but he stops me.

"No, you need to stay there for a minute. But please drink this," he hands me a water bottle that I take gratefully. I take a few sips and sit up at a snail's pace, afraid Kieran is going to lecture me again. He doesn't.

I look around the room and realize that my mom isn't here anymore. Was that a dream? Part of me wishes it were. Kieran's expression tells me differently.

"It was real. She left though. I asked her to leave so we could have some time alone. She said to call her if we wanted to talk more. I think she had more to say, but you were overwhelmed, obviously." He tries to smile but it doesn't make it to his eyes. "Are you okay?"

I meet his gaze and shake my head, "no, I'm not. Are you?" The look on his face turns solemn and he shakes his head as well.

"No."