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Jahseh Onfroy
"What's wrong?" Stokeley asked me once again as we entered my house.
I set my keys down on the table and kicked off my shoes, "nothings wrong." I shrugged and walked to the kitchen. I'm hungry but I just don't know what to make. I want everything I see.
"Jahseh we've been together for three years, you think I don't know when something is bothering you?" He followed closely behind me.
"I don't want to talk about it," I shrugged.
"Just tell me," he asked.
"I can't," I admitted. It would just make me look crazy and that's the last thing I need right now.
"Just tell me, come on," He asked me again.
"It's just that when I asked you to help me with the nursery because it was important to me, you acted like it didn't matter, but then Mariah tells you the same thing I said and it clicks for you automatically like it's just.. I don't know," I explained. "So I guess what I'm saying is.. do you have feelings for your best friend?"
His face went blank for a second, then it changed like he was hesitant to speak.
"You know what, don't even tell me. I don't want to know," I told him as I grabbed a bowl from my cabinet.
"I.. I don't know..." He said.
"You don't know?" I asked.
"I mean I knew I loved her but I just assumed it was the way you love your sister. Cause she doesn't see me that way, she sees me as her brother-"
"Do you see her as your sister?" I asked.
I searched his eyes for anything to tell me the answer. "I love her in a different way."
I nodded my head and grabbed a box of cereal, pouring me a bowl. I put the box back and then added milk to my mixture. I grabbed the bowl taking a spoonful of Cheerios into my mouth.
"Why aren't you saying anything?" He asked me.
"What do you want me to say?" I asked.
"Anything."
"I just wish I had known, before everything," I shrugged.
"This doesn't change anything," he explained.
"Are you on drugs? Are you fucking on drugs? What do you mean this doesn't change anything, this changes everything," I exclaimed, slamming my bowl of cereal on the counter.
"How?"
"You expect me to be with you when you're in love with another woman?" I asked him.
"I'm not in love with her," he told me. "It's more like a crush and I'm sure it'll go away."
"Well you let me know when it does," I shrugged.
"Jahseh," he grabbed my hand.
"No, it's okay. I'm not mad, I just wish you'd been honest with me. And I just need a little bit of space," I confessed.
"Baby, please?"
"I'll talk to you tomorrow, can you just come back tomorrow? I just need a minute," I explained as I fought back a mouthful of tears.
He didn't say anything else before finally turning and walking away.
"I just can't do this right now, I can't," I said to myself after hearing the front door open and close.
I few seconds later, Stokeley came back. "I thought you left?" I said as tears left my eyes.
"I can't leave things like this, baby. I love you. I am in love with you," he told me. "You're it for me. I don't want Mariah. She's my sister and I would never and I mean ever leave you for her. I promise. I just want you. You and our baby, this family that you and I are building. Just you and me," he reached out and grabbed my face, wiping my tears away.
"Promise?" I looked up at him.
"I swear to God," he looked me in my eyes. "I just want you."
