Pain In My Heart

24

Chapter 24

"Zia..." He called.

I was simply staring at him, waiting for his response. I'm not sure why, but my gaze was coldly directed at him. Right now, I don't give a damn about anything. I'm in pain. He had betrayed my trust. They had broken my trust. I want him to know how angry I am with him. For causing me pain. He is aware of my father's previous treatment of me. He is aware of the situation. He knows what he does, but he just did it to me again. He made me feel cheated once more.

I close my eyes. "Just...Just answer the damn question." Mariin kong sabi habang sa sahig ang tingin.

He shut his eyes. "It's..." Putol niyang sabi habang hindi nakatingin sa amin. 

He's avoiding my eyes so he's looking nowhere.

I sighed, getting annoyed of waiting. 

"Sasagutin mo ba o hindi? Kasi, tangina, kanina pa 'ko naghihintay. Ayokong pinaghihintay ako, nakakainis, nakakabwisit." Gigil ko nang sabi.

I don't know if that comes out in anything I've gone through, but I don't want to be kept waiting. It makes me think of my father. I had been waiting for him for years. It was simple at first because he was still in contact with us. However, I had often heard mom and him arguing before that. They were constantly fighting until my father finally gave up. My mother is always accusing him of something, but he always denies it. That's when I knew that things are not in good situation.

"Zia..." He said again.

I gritted my teeth and looked at him annoyed. 

"Ano?! Kanina ka pa tinatanong! Sasagutin mo lang naman, bakit hindi mo masagot?!" Sumigaw na ako sa inis.

He bit his lips and looked at me. We are far from each other but the way he looks at me, It feels like he's just beside me. I wanted to hug him but I don't want. Mas nananaig sa pakiramdam ko na sinaktan niya ako. 

He promised. He promised that he will never hurt me. I guess that promise are really meant to be broken. No promise can last longer. He promised that he'll never cheat on me but never promised to not hurt me. The difference between that is super obvious. 

"Yes, it's true." He whispered.

Napapikit ako. Sinayang ko lang ang oras ko. Alam ko naman na ang totoo, bakit kailangan ko pang itanong sa kaniya? Gano'n na ba talaga ako ka-tanga?

"Umalis ka na," Mahinahon 'kong sabi.

I'm fighting to keep myself from bursting because I know the words I'm going to say to him will hurt him. I can say things you never thought I'd say when I'm upset, and I don't want to do that to him.

Lumapit siya sa'kin pero humakbang ako patalikod. 

"Zia, just let me explain first." He begged.

Sinamaan ko siya ng tingin sa sinabi niya. 

"Umamin ka na, magpa-paliwanag ka pa?!" Sigaw ko sa kaniya. Hindi siya sumagot sa sinabi ko. He tried to reach my hands pero mas lumayo ako. "Nahuli na kita! Pina-amin na kita, pero putangina, hindi kita pinagpa-paliwanag! Hindi ko kailangan ng paliwanag mo! Hindi ko kailangan 'yung rason mo!" Galit 'kong sabi.

Naramdaman 'kong may namuong luha sa mga mata ko. I looked up to stop it from falling, but I failed.

"Pare-pareho lang kayo." Mahina 'kong sabi. Nakatitig ako sa mga mata niya habang sinasabi ko 'yon. I feel guilty when I see his eyes. It looks hurt, he looks tired, yet I'm here saying hurtful words to him.  "Pare-pareho lang kayong niloloko ako." I said.