Pain In My Heart

6

Chapter 6

Malungkot akong pumasok sa loob ng kwarto ko. Hindi ako nag-abalang magbihis dahil wala akong gana. Umupo ako sa kama ko at itinaas ang tuhod tsaka pinatong 'don ang ulo ko at umiyak. Dapat sa bahay namin kami matutulog dahil akala ko sobra kaming magsasaya ngayon.

It was the first time we had a fight like that. They all released their new selves. Ivy used to not be the first to rush unless you do nothing to her. She was rude but she was not the first to hurt or rush at such.

When you fight her, Daine, she doesn't give a damn about you. Danica was modest and sweet, and she, like Bri, was always smiling; she was one of the people that made me feel better when I saw her smile. She now has that frigid face that I see all the time.

Cassy didn't say anything, she simply remained silent and walked away. She used to join others who were answering the call to fight alongside them. She merely remained silent for the time being. I'm worried because she might be one of the most private people I know when it comes to expressing emotions.

Bri used to be like Cassy, who was chatty, cheeky, and full of nonsense. Bri is a cheerful individual. Even while we were fighting, she would crack a joke just to make us laugh. Our joy used to be very fleeting. Bri would never say something like that, as if she were dead or unhappy. Vince is in the same.

And now I'm here. Hiding actual sentiments and quietly crying. Not because I'm enraged, angry, or pleading with them. I don't want them to worry about me anymore because I don't want to add to the weight I'm carrying.

Iyak lang ako ng iyak hanggang sa may kumatok sa kwarto. Pinunasan ko muna ang luha ko bago tumayo at buksan ito. Pagkabukas ko nakita ko si Sav at Ivy. Nagulat ako pero hindi ko pinahalata. Huminga ako ng malalim sa pinilit na ngumiti sa kanila.

"Oh? Okay na kayo? Lasing pa kayo?" Nakangiting tanong ko sa kanila. Tinignan ko sila nang hindi sila sumagot at nanatiling nakatingin sa akin. Agad kong iniwas ang tingin ko sa kanila at nilakihan ang bukas ng pinto. "U-Uh, pasok nga muna kayo." Sabi ko sabay talikod at umupo sa kama.

Pumasok sila at umupo sa kama, sa tapat ko.

"Nakasalubong namin si Adler, ah?" Tanong ni Ivy pagkaupo niya.

Ngumiti ako sa kanila. "Ah, oo. Si Sav, sa kaniya ako pinahatid, u-uh umuwi na k-kasi kayo kanina lahat, siya na lang yung natira kaya siya 'yung naghatid sa akin." And again, i tried to sound okay. Tinignan ko silang dalawa. "Okay na kayo?" Tanong ko.

All of my buddies, I want them to be safe. I'll make them smile despite the fact that I'm hurting on the inside and there's no one who can console me as I do for them. It's not that I blame them all because there isn't anyone among them who can console me, it's more that I want to be consoled by someone, but not by them.

"Ikaw, hindi ka okay." Sabi ni Sav. Ulit, hindi 'yon tanong. Isa sila Sav at Ivy ang nakakaalam ng mga nararamdaman ko. Like, nakikita agad nila kapag hindi ako okay.

And again, I smiled.

"Okay lang ako, tsh." I smirked. Pero napawi ang tawa ko nang makitang seryoso silang dalawa. Bumuntong hininga ako.

Napangiti ako ng niyakap ako ni Ivy. Maldita 'to si Ivy pero malambing. 'Pag silang dalawa ang nanglambing o nangulit sa'yo ni Bri at badtrip ka, mawawala talaga ang init ng ulo mo dahil sa kanilang dalawa.

"Pwede naman kasing sagutin ng totoo, dindeny pa." Sabi ni Sav. Namumula-mula pa siya kahit ngayon.

"In denial lang?" Bumalik na ang malditang Ivy.

"Nagmamaldita ka na naman," Sabi ko sabay irap.

"Ang drama mo kasi," Sabi niya sabay tayo para pumunta sa study table ko at pakialaman ang mga color pens and other art crafts na nandoon.