Parked. Brake. Engine off. Boxes checked - unsatisfactory.
"Sweetie so when I write..." , the tester went on but I was at a full stop.
"I'm watching you, your eyes hoping you'd at least look once. You didn't even check over your shoulder."
On cue, I turned my head over the opposite shoulder so I could press the brake on the flood in my eyes.
"Just so you can be a safe driver- take a look. A car can hit you, sweep into the side, come head-on, get impatient and ram you from behind."
"Oh, I didn't even consider that. Thank you for the feedback."
"Here, I'm just gonna leave this sheet for you so that you know what to do as you practice". Door opens, out.
Many people don't pass their first time. It's okay you didn't know better.
Do I really know better now? Can I make it a habit to do a full traffic stop before I make a decision? Check all three mirrors. Over the shoulder to cover your blind spot. Life, my body, isn't equipped with three mirrors to check ahead, behind, to the side of me. I did not come with a pair of eyes on the back of my head, a backup camera, to look for potential accidents, danger.
I attempt to comfort myself again. You haven't paid your due time. 18 years, hours out of the 50+ required to know better. To be prepared. I thought I had checked my mirrors. I didn't see traffic, so I made my turns, decisions to get to this parked spot. Stalled.
And yet, I feel like I'd been hit. Like a deer caught in headlights, I am rooted. But I'm not stuck in disappointment. I burn in frustration like the friction that grips the tires to the hot streets. I'm pushing the gas pedal and I'm not making any progress. Parked at the DMV, the unsatisfactory box marked is not the destination I had in mind. Well, not the rest stop that I thought I could pass by. I pictured the beach, the mall trip with a friend, keys jangling on a run to the grocery store by myself. A little closer to being independent. My first adult ability being 18.
I wanted to cruise. With the windows down, a new sense of freedom would rush into my lungs as the wind whips by. A win for the day, a milestone in my life as the time I should have already accomplished this. Instead, my gas near empty. And I have to drive home. I lower the emergency brake and the tears run down my face.
The streets, cars pass by in a blur. I'm on autopilot. Following directions to get home. I pull up in the driveway. Car parked. Break up. Engine off.
YOU ARE READING
As life goes, so do I
PoetryRead to feel. These poems are written in the hopes that it stirs the emotions. Just maybe someone out there will come across this and find a poem in here that expresses exactly what they are feeling. And for me, I hope that brings comfort to some. T...
