champagne problems x jemily/hotchniss

thirty-three: spencer

i wrote this on two hours of sleep and no motivation to write ahaha (if it's bad i blame my sleep deprivation) 🤪

anyways, five team members down, two more to go! these chapters are so draining to write because i'm just crying the entire way through lmao but it's almost over and then y'all can hate me part 2(?)🤓

happy readings and stay safe besties! -salem🤍

TW: drug abuse, hallucinations, mentions of gun violence, nods at self harm, acute clinical depression, mentions of alcohol
word count: 4933

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Spencer: "The attempt to escape from pain, is what creates more pain." Gabor Maté.

"Spencer," Emily said and coughed up blood. The stake in her stomach prevented her from getting up. Spencer froze as he walked into the room. "S-Spencer. Behind you."

Spencer was hit on the back of his head, sending him to the floor. He turned around as Doyle towered over him. A gun was staring right back at him. Doyle took off the safety before firing the weapon. The bullet went by his head and hit Emily. Spencer shouted as he made his way towards Emily. Spencer tried to stop the bleeding, but it was happening too quickly.

"Emily! Emily! I'm sorry. I'm sorry there's too much blood," Spencer said as he started to panic.

"Emily!" Spencer yelled as he woke up. He looked around the living room he was in. Spencer fell asleep in his living room sometime around noon. He wasn't getting much sleep. The nightmares still haunted him. It was always the same one. Spencer couldn't save Emily each time he had the nightmare. That's why Spencer was losing so much sleep. He didn't want to see Emily like that. Staying awake and sleep deprived was a better option. Well, not the only option.

He got up and rubbed his eyes. Spencer pushed the door to the bathroom open. He grabbed the vial from the bottom drawer and shut the door behind him. Spencer was alone in his apartment and slid himself down the door. His hands were shaking as he brought the small bottle into his view.

Dilaudid.

A drug he hasn't touched or craved in years.

Spencer shut his eyes as he tried to suppress the urge to inject himself with the drug. Tears fell from his eyes as he even considered it. No, no, you can't. But, think about what you'll see. You'll maybe see her not bleeding out anymore. The first time you took it, you relived happy memories with mom. It brought back memories from before with her. Why not now with Emily?

Reid ran his hands down his face as he tossed the possibilities back and forth. It was too much. This entire situation was too much. He just wanted a second of peace. He just needed a second to reminisce with Emily where she wasn't being shot or had a gun pointed at him. And if this was the price, so be it.

Spencer grabbed the tourniquet and wrapped it tightly around his arm. He grabbed himself a needle before sitting back and having one last contemplation go on in his head. Spencer shut everything out as he injected himself with the needle. His body was shaking as it wasn't used to the drug anymore. The man's vision slowly faded as he tilted his head back.

"Spencer."

Spencer turned and saw Emily walking right up to him. Tears filled his eyes as he practically ran to her. She was engulfed in a hug and chuckled. "I missed you."

"What's this about? I just went to visit Clara down in New Orleans for two days. I wasn't gone that long," Emily said and pulled back. She squinted her eyes as Spencer didn't let her go. "You should have told me you missed me this much. I could have brought you back something."