tough - BE

7

QUINN
-

three day trip. just to say goodbye to my own mother. i have to leave but i haven't gotten out of my bed. i already packed, i'll just leave in my pijamas.

*knock knock*

"come in" i groaned

my face was in my pillow i slept not long but i slept. i felt a body come on top of mine hugging me in a way.

"it's eight in the morning, lexie let me in." i heard billie whisper in my ear

she moved and sat beside me and i got up to face her.

"oh god i am so sorry" i apologized

"nothing to apologize for you are going through a lot but i assume you're family will worried about you getting there late" she said

she's right. we were supposed to leave nearly three hours ago we would've been there soon. o called my dad letting him know i'd be late. billie and i left and made our way to the car.

"i can drive if you want" billie offered

"really?"

"of course"

we got in the car and she started driving i let her put music on and her music taste is so good. her humming along to the music was very calming for me. we talked a little more last night about how nervous i was. she's a great person to talk to. during one of the songs though about an hour in i was paying close attention to billie at a stop light. she would momentarily look down at my lips, lick hers and continue driving. maybe i'm just overthinking it i happen to overthink everything in my life. i'm not at my best bit this year.

"are you hungry?" i asked breaking the awkward tension that we've never had before

"yeah, you?" she responded

"yeah, i know this place like 10 minutes away i can order it now and we can eat it in the parking lot"

"yeah for sure"

we made it to the restaurant and i walked in to get our food and we ate it in the car. we started talking again no longer having that tension. i decided to giver her a break of driving and drive for the rest of the 2 hours and 30 minutes we had left. eventually we got into a really deep conversation about life i don't know where exactly it came from but it came.

"what do you think the meaning of life is?" billie suddenly brought up

"i couldn't answer that for you, only for myself i think everyone had their own meaning"

"well what's yours?"

"i think my meaning is to chase my dreams and of course everyone wants to do that but they eventually settle down and do something they aren't completely happy with. my so called meaning is completely different than it was two years ago"

"i don't think there is a meaning if i'm being honest, if it changes so much throughout life it wouldn't make sense for there to be one? you know?" she asked

i get her point i see where she's coming from. knowing what she told me and what i learned from these almost two weeks of knowing her i'm scared that she doesn't want to complete her life. i don't want to think about it. but i've felt with people suffering from depression before i won't name them now but they were incredibly close to me and i can't take another loss.

"are you okay?" i asked out of the blue

"i'm fine, my brain just likes to ask these weird questions that really get you thinking, hence the name of my album" she joked

"i like your brain it has a cool way of thinking"

"thank you that is a very nerdy thing to say but i'll take it"

"i'm a nerd okay!" i laughed

we drove screaming the lyrics to our favorite songs. i was surprised but pleased to know she likes kid cudi, down right one of my biggest idols. we finally made it. my childhood home.

"i don't want to go in" i admitted facing her

"quinn you gotta stop thinking so negatively no matter what happens you will be surrounded by people who love you" she said with her hand on my cheek

she's right i won't be the only one mourning. i won't be alone.