𝕀𝕕𝕗𝕔 (𝕁𝕒𝕝𝕝𝕪)

february 2006

johnny.

"so, whyd you decide to come back?" i fiddled with the sleeve of my light blue jacket, chewing on my bottom lip as i thought of an answer. "uh.. I'm not sure." i answered, honestly. that was the truth, i wasn't sure. "why did you.. uh..whyd you leave johnny?"
"i was scared." i mumbled, "i felt lost really, i felt like i didn't know who to turn to." i felt a lump in my throat, it hurt. the world turned blurry and i let out a shaky breath, trying to calm down. i wouldn't cry, i feel like they knew that. they knew me.
"johnny,"
"yeah?"
"can i- um.. can i hug you?" Soda asked, i looked up to see him and nodded. at first he took a slow step forward, before rushing towards me and enveloping me in a hug, "you scared us, honestly" he mumbled. 
"I'm sorry, i didn't mean to." i mumbled back, watching two bit come over, he sat next to us before hugging us too. it felt like a scene in a movie really. this kinda felt fake.

"are you gonna go back?"

i thought. i thought of the good moments. when i first met the gang. when pony and i were allowed in our first rumble. when i first met dally. when dally asked me out. the mornings i would wake up and see dally, smiling because i was made aware this was real in those moments. when i'd wake up to dally showering my face with kisses. when soda and i first ran from the police.

but i also thought of the bad moments. people don't seem to do that a lot. 

when curly hurt pony. when pony first got jumped. when i first got jumped. when dally first got arrested. when we got to know of the Curtis parents passing away. when i'd wake up to the sound of glass shattering and yelling.

but then i realized, that the bad moments weren't worth it. they didn't bring the good moments down. i realized as Pony, steve, darry, and dally came over, joining the hug, the bad moments weren't worth it. "no, i think i like it here."