𝕀𝕕𝕗𝕔 (𝕁𝕒𝕝𝕝𝕪)

October 14th, 2006.

walking down the sidewalk with his beat-up grey converse was Johnny Cade, his long brown bangs covering his eyes, if you looked at a photo from him in 2004 he would look remotely the same, the only different things were his eyes. they looked less scared, less sad,  less cautious. instead, they were more curious, happier, and more determined, ready to take on whatever life throws at him. 

he looked down at his feet, watching as one moved past the other and as the ground seemed to move, the ground still looked like it needed a hug, but everyone needed one once in a while. 
where he had been before he was out and wandering around was a simple answer, why should also be a simple answer if you had paid attention for the whole book. He looked up when the cracks on the concrete sidewalk became more and more similar. "hey johnny!" sure enough there was soda, waiting for him like he had every Tuesday for a month. "How was your session today?" He asked as johnny opened the gate, throwing an arm around him to give him a side hug.

"eh it was therapy-ish." the raven-haired boy answered as he shrugged, "though my therapist does say I'm improving," he added on.
"that's great!" Soda smiled, leading him into the house, "we're all real proud of you johnny." he said, as he opened the door to enter the house. Ever since he had come back he continued to struggle, he felt lost. He didn't know where to stay so he jumped from motel to motel constantly, with the money he had brought from Texas. When he had run out he stayed in the lot, not wanting to go home. It came to a point where he had almost left again until Ponyboy found him out when it was pouring rain. He forced him inside and warmed him up before letting him sleep when he had woken up they had him explain his two-month-long situation, since then he had been living with them. Everything seemed to have been doing fine, everything seemed to move on. 

but trauma, which johnny went through a lot, didn't go away that easily. when they found him in the bathroom having a sudden and awfully random break down they realized he had to get help, so with the help from Betsy all the way in Texas, they were able to get him a therapist. He went weekly, and a month and a half, you could clearly see he had gotten better. though he still wasn't completely okay, he was better.

"oh, Dally said he wanted to meet you at seven is that okay kiddo?" 
"Uh- yeah sure?" Dally. He and Johnny shortly realized that they couldn't jump into a relationship again, at least not yet. they had their own struggles that they had to work through before they could even think about a relationship. So they agreed, to wait for each other.

"if you'll be willing," he grabbed his hand, intertwining his fingers with the others, "-to wait for me, ill be willing to wait for you." He said, looking up at him, "that is, if you're willing, Dally."
"always for you."

"I'm sure it's nothing bad," he reassured, and the other nodded in agreement. "You hungry?" he asked, which caused another nod, but he still couldn't help but be curious, to wonder about what Dally had planned.

---------------------
"dal? dally?" it was exactly seven o clock, he had gone over to Dally's place, which over time turned into an actual apartment. He heard noise from inside before the doorknob clicked, it was jiggled for a while before opened, "Johnny! hey uh- come in." He greeted, moving and opening the door more so that he could go inside. "Thanks, uh soda said you wanted to meet?"
"oh yeah-"
"is something wrong?"
"no! i just wanted to talk" the other smiled and nodded, thinking that sounded nice.
so they talked. and talked. and talked. for multiple hours, until they got drunk off their own laughter and high off the other's smile.
"so uh- why did you bring me over? actually." Johnny finally asked 
"i just wanted to check in, hows your uh- your therapy? How's it going?"
"Really good actually, i think I'm really getting better. How about you? How are you holding up?" they both knew what that question me "are you ready if we wanted to give it another shot?" was what it was basically asking, "really good too." he responded. "johnny," he began, looking at the floor instead of him, "remember when you said- if i was willing to wait?" johnny held his breath in fear, "you're an amazing person. you're nice, you're strong, you're brave."
"what are you trying to say?"  i don't want to be with you.  was what he was expecting. 
"if you're willing to be mine." he bit his tongue, nervously hoping. "Ill be willing to be yours." he immediately stood up and hugged him. "is that a yes?-"
"just shut up and kiss me you idiot." 

the rest of the night they spent laughing and holding each other, when Dally brought out a record player it brightened the eyes of the other, especially when they began to dance around the room as the other whispered sweet words into his ears, filling his mind with happiness. 

by the end of the night, a new record was playing as they both laid in bed, fingers interwined. 
"cause i have hella feelings for you
i act like i don't fucking care
like they ain't even there"

"johnny?" 
"hm?"

"cause i have hella feelings for you
i act like i don't fucking care
cause i'm so fucking scared"

"i love you." 

"i'm only a fool for you
and maybe you're too good for me"

he took a deep breath in, he listened closely to all the words, taking in the moonlight on his face, the warm yet cold air surrounding him, the beat of the music, the feeling of their fingers locked, the words that he said.

"i'm only a fool for you."

"i love you too."

"but idfc. at all, oh."

and they both truly meant it.