𝐖𝐀𝐋𝐓𝐙𝐄𝐒 ☾ r. lupin

₂₉ internal struggle

THALIA DIDN'T know what to think when she stepped up to the boggart. She didn't know what her fear was going to be, or what the other students would think of it. All she knew was that her brother was going to be in it. She was positive about that.

It wasn't necessarily surprising when she saw her whole family in front of her, but it was surprising that the boggart recited word for word what they told her before she left the house.

Traitor.

Before she knew it Thalia was sweating. Her palms were clammy and her knees buckled. Her hairline felt wet, her neck hot. She had to push it down, she just had to say one silly word. With one final breath she held her wand out, yelling riddikulous.

Cats. They had turned into cats. She didn't smile at the creatures, she knew they were fake. They were the colors of her parents hair. Of her hair. The family hair. The give or take feature of the Frilio family. And she hated it.

"Fantastic, Frilio!" Merrywhether said, clapping her hands a bit slower then she did before. She walked over to pat Thalia on the back, leaning in a bit to whisper in her ear.

"You may leave, if you would like. Or you could stay, I can talk to you after classes if you want..." The professor trailed off. Thalia nodded her head and smiled a bit before she walked over to the table her and Remus shared.

I hate you.

She closed her eyes for a second more before she grabbed her stuff and was out the door. Thalia had made about 7 steps out of the doorway when tears fell down her cheeks. They were angry tears, all of the grief and anger that she kept bottled up.

I hate them.

Thalia made a croaking noise when she opened her mouth, so she decided to keep her lips closed until she was inside her dorm. She couldn't sneak to Maeve's room, she was in dada with everyone. Celina and Marya were in there, too. She felt alone. And for the first time in her life she didn't want to be.

She wanted someone to clutch onto, someone to hug her, someone to tell her that everything was going to be okay. She didn't want to be the bitch anymore. She didn't want to be stony, or cold. She just wanted to be warm again.

As Thalia walked down the hallway, the light sound of footsteps slowly became louder. And louder. Until she was surrounded by students. She hadn't heard the bell ring. She groaned and started walking faster, wanting any excuse to just get out of the hallway.

A hand clasped down onto her shoulder, stopping her pursuit. Thalia's eyes widened a bit, but she refused to turn around.

"Tal, what's wrong?" Maeve asked.

Thalia sighed in relief and immediately turned around, wrapping her arms around Maeve's torso and placing her head on her chest. Comfort. That's all she needed.

Tears stained her cheeks, smudging her mascara and her eyeliner the longer she stood there. Maeve had wrapped her arms around her at one point, rubbing her back and stroking her hair. It was a comfort she hadn't gotten since she was little, barely even five. Her mother used to hold her and stroke her hair, playing with it until her scalp went numb. 

"I can't-" Thalia started, sniffing when a bit of snot got lodged in her throat. 

Maeve waited while Thalia calmed herself down, still stroking her hair as she leaned her head against the top of Thalia's. 

"I don't want to be the bad guy," Thalia whispered, balling up the back of Maeve's robes. She was done with it. What has it proven? That she's just as good as her parents? That she could potentially best her brother? Prove that she was better than her family? 

It was all pointless. She had dug her own grave, her own social exile. The only person she had outside of her house now was Maeve because Remus was finally done with her bullshit. 

I hate you. 

Traitor. 

Those words replayed over and over inside her head. Her own brain was like an echo chamber, replaying each hurtful phrase, each dirty sentence. 

She was a dirty Ravenclaw. 

She was a blood traitor. 

She didn't know how to stop. 

She was a bitch. 

Over. And over. And over. Everyone had stripped her bare. Their words shoved so deep into her skin; all that was left was her blood and bones. Hell, Thalia didn't even know if she had any blood left. Her family had drained all of that before she turned 12. 

"Hey, don't break down on me just yet," Maeve whispered, slinging her arm around Thalia's torso. Thalia merely slumped into her shoulder, dragging her feet against the concrete floor. At this point she didn't have any more tears left to cry. Her eyes stung, they felt dry. 

"Can I hit rock bottom twice?" Thalia asked, smiling a bit as Maeve laughed. 

"No, I don't think you can, my love."

_____ A/N _____

ahem, character development. also, i've read like 6 books this month alone and i'm like lowkey proud of myself. that's beside the point though. i'm basically planning my own impending doom at this point, but it's okay. good morning, good evening and good night. 

remember to eat and drink water !

<3