Lovely (Complete)

18

The therapy sessions let me find and put my thoughts together in one place that would be easy for me to understand. She told me how I could better my life and stop the night terrors from ruining my life. She explained different methods I could try like meditation or keeping these sessions going.

"I don't think it's Axel that you're not letting go but the situation. You keep holding onto the fear of the accident. You hold no grudge against Axel but the fear of dying still has weight on you." My therapist explained, showing me what she collected the past couple of sessions.

No denying it, death, always had its hold on me. The fear of death never really left my mind but during the time around the accident it made the fear worse. Now I rarely think of death, only at night to I sit and think about the accident.

According to her surrounding myself with my friends and doing things that I loved was helping let go of that trauma. She also stated that where I needed to take my mind off it I shouldn't neglect and push it away. I needed to overcome the trauma, not ignore it.

With those final words of wisdom I finally drove home by myself for the first time. Finally getting the courage to put my foot to the pettle let alone get in the front seat. The world seemed different from the front seat, it looked more slimmer, taking all my focus and turning it towards the things that actually mattered. I felt the control, the control to choose my speed and position. In a sense it felt calming but my anxiety was still apparent. I didn't know if I could fully drive on my own without anxiety, but the reward of driving on my own was enough. Even so, the anxiety was annoying.

On rare occasions I would drive Ajax home, seeing it being more fit to let him drive then break the cycle. Sofie and Jaccob would often accompany me in the car, all three of us driving around different places together. Other than those three people I wouldn't drive anyone else around, the unfamiliarity still being a wall for me.

Slowly I drove more distances and broke out of my comfort zone slightly with Ajax. He would still drive most of the time, but now I wasn't impared because of my fear.

"Welcome home Brownie." Ajax joked, calling me the nickname he had given me when we first met.

Ajax was shirtless over the stove, mixing unknown contents in a pot with dim lights. I could barely see with only the lights coming in from the far windows but he could see perfectly fine. His hair, longer now then when I first met him, was half in a bun and half down, reaching a little above his shoulders. His once tense shoulders were relaxed and his breathing was so shallow it didn't even look like he was breathing at all.

I walked over to him and hugged him from behind, using him to steady me as I took off my shoes. Ajax turned around and kissed me, wrapping one of his arms around me as he used the other one to cook. I almost melted into him as my body fully relaxed from the hard work of today.

He kissed my forehead and placed dinner into bowls before picking me up and carrying me into the bedroom. Ajax brushed my hair out of my eyes as he slowly slipped off my clothes, kissing my forehead and neck lovingly. Once we were both naked he wrapped a towel around me and carried me to the bathroom where he started a hot bath.

Gently placing me in the bath he came up from behind me, wrapping his arms loosely around my waist as he kissed my back. I leaned back against him as he leaned his head on my shoulder. We used each other as stability, to keep each other from falling and hitting our heads on the tub.

Carefully, Ajax ran his fingers through my hair, brushing it out and messaging my scalp at the same time. I leaned back and let a sigh of relief and relaxation leave my lips. His hot breath was on my neck which gave luke-warm shivers up my spine as I leaned into him further. Ajax kissed down my neck and shoulders as he rubbed my arms and thighs.

Once the bath was over Ajax rested his head on my stomach, hugging me while leaning on his side. I began reading while scratching up and down his back. He mumbled soft nothings into my stomach and he slowly lulled to sleep. I smiled down at him, watching him snuggle deeper into my stomach. His breathing was hollow and quiet, resting peacefully with relaxation. His blonde hair rested over his face, hiding his eyes and cheeks.

I laughed slightly before brushing his hair out of his face. I sighed and put my book down on the ground next to me. Slowly with him, I nodded off to sleep.

~~~~~

A/N: This chapter was short for my better judgement. This chapter was created specifically for Noah's trauma and to find him closure. For example, he got a good nights rest instead of reading all night or having night terrors. Noah also finally got therapy, putting all the mixed emotions to rest. He understood his emotions for himself and he finally "categorize" them in the sense of he knew what he was feeling, he knew where it was from, he knew what to do about the said feeling and finally he actually did something about it that benifited him in the long run instead of ignoring his feelings.

He lost all romantic feeling for Axel in the process which gave him closure in the way of releasing a romantic hold that Axel had on him. Noah indirectly felt like he was sonly responsible for the incident and he felt the need to constantly care and worry for Axel. Worrying about so much about someone else and not about yourself hurts yourself more then anything. Hurting yourself hurts the people around you. Therefore, in a way Noah wasn't helping anyone. He wasn't helping Axel or himself, and not helping himself hurts Ajax. Hurting Ajax hurts his boss in the cafe, so on and so forth.

Now that Noah finally can understand his emotions and can do something about them helps him. Now he can start a new chapter in his life. That chapter starting and maybe ending with Ajax.