With Your Heart Wide Open

Back to me

The next days were similar for Esther. She got up, made breakfast for Aaliyah, drove her to school then left for work. Her coworkers asked and even begged her to take a few days off. She refused. She cooked dinner when she got home and took sleeping aids. She ignored Jeremy's phone calls and the condolences at work. Despite the constant sorrow looming over her, she hasn't shed a tear. Not a single one. For some reason, it felt as if crying would make it more real, would force her actually to let go.

On one of these days, she was multitasking at work. The store inventory was coming up, and the stockroom was filled. As she knelt to recover the stationary aisle, she heard someone coming up behind her. She knew it was Stephen. He's been wandering the store for a while.

"How can I help you today?"

"Really, Esther?"

She stood up. They were face-to-face. Once their eyes met, she looked away. Gosh, he was irresistible! He was wearing a black V-neck shirt tight enough that she could see the outline of his undershirt. For a change, he had light blue jeans on and mocassins to his feet. As modest as ever because he could afford it. Everything he got to please the eyes was natural anyway.

She cleared her throat, "Can I help you with anything regarding the store?"

"No, I came to see you,"

"I'm on the clock, and I have work to do,"

He looked at his watch, "Shouldn't you be done by now?"

"I volunteered to stay for an extra hour. Now, leave me alone, will you?"

He shook his head, "You've been ignoring my calls. It bothers me when you don't open the door when I knock. Please, I want to be there for you. Please,"

She rolled her eyes, "There's nothing that can be done. It's over. What happened happened,"

With no more words, she walked past Stephen to the office. She waited in there for a few minutes, examining job applications. She went out after looking at the camera and seeing him leave.

After about an hour, she texted Aaliyah's babysitter, a high school junior who cared more about extra cash than Red Valley's gossip circle. She told her that she was on her way.

When she opened her car door, she heard him, "Esther, can we please talk?"

She groaned in frustration, "You waited outside the whole time?"

"No, I came back to talk to you. I'm not taking no for an answer,"

"What do you want then?!!" She yelled at him.

"To check on you. Are you okay?"

"What do you think?!"

He came close to her and took her hands. "I know you're hurting. But now you need to be around people who care,"

She gave a mirthless laugh, and it sounded bitter when she said, "You don't care,"

He looked shocked, "Why would you say that? You know how I feel about you?"

"I don't because you don't feel anything. I wonder why we ever dated,"

He looked hurt, "Esther, I know I made mistakes but don't doubt my feelings for you,"

She crossed her arms, "How do you feel about me, then?"

"There are no words to describe it, but see for yourself. I'm single. When you left, I was heartbroken then I tried to date but couldn't. It was you. You took my heart with you,"

"Why didn't you marry me? Why didn't you marry me when I was pregnant. You left me alone to fend for myself,"

"I was scared!" He yelled.

Esther took a step back. Stephen has never admitted that. Ever.

He continued, "We were both kids, and I was scared. There were so many expectations for me. My future was planned for me. I suffered too. Call me a coward but don't say that I didn't have feelings for you,"

Her voice broke, "What do you want? Really?"

He cupped her face in his soft, warm hands and whispered, "You. I want you. I want you to forgive me. I want us to be together again. Don't you want that too?"

She hesitated.

"Esther?"

"I... Listen, I want to be with you. There's a part of me that still wants you, but there's another part that's broken because of you,"

"What are you saying?"

"Give me some time. I'll probably come back to you, but I need time. I need time to... grieve. I need time to trust you again. To trust anyone,"

"I understand. You can take the long road as long as it leads you to me. Back to me,"

At night, as she was cleaning her kitchen, his words came back to haunt her. She's been longing to hear them for so long. Stephen did love her, after all!

She checked her phone once it vibrated. It was a text from Stephen. It says, "I missed you already. I wished you were in my arms right now."

She waited exactly three minutes and twenty-three seconds before texting back. Trying to sound as casual as possible, she replied, "Is that so? My mind is elsewhere right now,"

He replied with a blue heart emoji. After another three minutes and twenty-three seconds, Esther asked him if he wanted anything specific. His last text message took her off guard. It said, "I don't know if you are aware, but ur dad's funeral is tomorrow,"

Of course, she would be the last person to know. Her mom didn't bother telling her, obviously. In fact, she hasn't heard from her at all.

Esther went to the living room and turned off the T.V. while Aaliyah was still watching.

"Mommy, I was watching!"

"Time to go to bed,"

"Why? It's still early,"

Esther hesitated for just two seconds before announcing, "Tomorrow, we're crashing a funeral."