With Your Heart Wide Open

Ma Elsie took another sip of her ginger tea as Esther waited for an answer. She took two more sips and finally spoke, "So, you want me to choose your future man for you?"

Esther rolled her eyes, "I wouldn't put it like that, but yeah. I need your opinion,"

"No wonder you can't choose. Stephen is garbage, and this Jeremy guy sounds as confused as you,"

"Ma, listen. I love Stephen, but I don't know if I can trust him. I trust Jeremy, but I don't know if my feelings for him are strong enough,"

"I still wonder who you're leaning toward. There must be one who has a stronger hold on you," Ma Elsie pointed out.

Esther didn't have to think much before replying, "Stephen. I know he messed up, but I forgave him. All the time I was away, I hated him and loved him all the same. Now that he turned a new leaf, I want to give him a chance. On the other hand, there's Jeremy. I had a crush on him when everything was dark and confusing, but that's it,"

Ma Elsie put her cup down and asked, "Can I be honest with you for the next ten minutes?"

"Please!"

"Not about this, Jeremy fellow. I want to talk about Stephen,"

"Ma, I know you hate Stephen, but you have to get used to the idea that I love him,"

Ma Elsie shook her head, "I do not doubt that you love him. But, which part of you loves Stephen?"

"I don't know what you mean,"

Ma Elsie didn't hesitate, "The little girl in you is still hung up on Stephen. It's the same girl who's been begging for approvals and validations all her life,"

"I'm no longer a little girl, Ma. I went through hardships that you can't even start to imagine. They turned me into a woman before I was even ready,"

"No, they turn you into a big girl. Not a woman. Deep inside, you are still hungry for attention and acceptance, and you're still waiting for someone to save you, to bring you happiness. Yes, you went through a lot. Yes, you've adapted and learned, but you haven't grown,"

Esther was caught off guard. The lady was blunt but surprisingly accurate. 

She felt the need to ask, "What's your point then? If I'm so bad, do I deserve any of them?"

"You're not bad. You just need to grow up and open your heart to the universe."

"I hear you, but I need to know which one to choose between Stephen and Jeremy,"

"Sorry, child. You gotta figure that out yourself,"

"But I'm so confused!"

Ma Elsie was calm, "Clear your mind, then." She added with a soft tone, "Deep down, I'm sure you know what to do. You just need to open your heart. Then, you will know the right thing to do,"

"About growing up or the boys?"

"Both."

Esther was about to add something, but Ma Elsie stopped her, "Now, go on, child. Make your decision. Live your life and tell me all about it. I'm a little bored these days."

Esther went home with her head buzzing. She threw her purse on the couch where Aaliyah and Debbie, her babysitter, sat to watch one of the Marvel movies on Disney +.

Debbie handed the mail to Esther before leaving. Apart front the usual correspondence from her bank, there was a letter from Stephen. That was weird since he could literally walk from his house to hers in less than thirty minutes.

When she opened the letter, she grinned. Inside the envelope, there was a picture of Stephen and her. They have been dated for two weeks and attended a church event together. She had to look at the picture twice to be sure to recognize herself. She looked so happy! Was this a sign from heaven?

A note accompanied the picture. It said, "It was not completely bad. We can revive the good moments. XOXO."

She held both the picture and Stephen's handwriting close as she sat next to her daughter, watching superheroes on the hunt for Infinity stones.

The movie was done, and Aaliyah dozed off, her small head resting on her mom's lap. Esther scrolled other apps to find past episodes of The Bachelorette.

The doorbell rang. Esther's heart skipped one beat. One look at the peephole, and she saw Jeremy.

He started to apologize when she opened the door. He was wearing shorts and a tank top whose neck was wet. He probably came from a run. And as always, his top was too tight, and she could see a perfect outline of the bulging ridges of his chest.

"Jeremy, do you know what time is it?"

"I'm so sorry. I'll stay at the door. No need to let me in. I just want to say something,"

"No, come on in,"

He stayed out, though, "I just want to say that you... I mean, we got it all wrong. For so long, I convinced myself that you needed me to save you, and it looked like you thought that too,"

"Ookay... What's your point?"

"I didn't save you, Esther. You saved yourself on every occasion. Sure, I was there seven years ago when your life was in danger, but you managed to stay alive all these years with barely anything. I helped you babysit Aaliyah, but you managed to raise your daughter on your own with barely any preparation or resources. And, I did help you get the job, but you were willing to learn and commit, and you're a manager now." He took a pause then said, "You never needed me, Esther. And you don't need me now. If you want to choose me, and I hope you will. I want it to be because you want to. I want it to be because I deserve to be in your life,"

Esther was about to respond, but he'd already put his headphones on and jogged away.

With the door still open and the night breeze sneaking inside, Esther looked up to the sky and wondered if God was just trying to get her more confused.

At this moment, she remembered Ma Elsie's words. She needed to open her heart despite all the wounds, scars, and skeletons buried at the core. She needed to open her heart at the risk of getting it torn once more. She needed to open her heart wider than ever before. She felt like her life depended on it.

It was not easy, but she did it. Afterward, she knew exactly where to go.

                                                                                       ...

Thank you to everyone who read, commented, and voted. Now is the time for the burning question: Are you TEAM STEPHEN or TEAM JEREMY?