With Your Heart Wide Open

Ma Elsie

Flashback

"Ma, do you think I'm beautiful?"

She grinned and after a few seconds, she responded, "I know you're beautiful,"

She frowned, "How would you know?"

She smiled, "Esther, Esther. You are still a little girl."

End Of Flashback

No one at Red Valley could tell how old Ma Elsie was. There were some estimations, a few wild guesses, and tons of calculations. Some were brave enough to ask her openly. She would smile and say that she was thirty-five. This answer usually caused laughter or frustration. The deep trenches and the loose folds of her face were enough to testify against her. It was obvious that Ma Elsie has seen everyone in their diapers. Why would she say that she was thirty-five? She neither sound nor look the part. One time, when being pressured more than usual, she explained that she didn't celebrate the day she came on earth, instead she only cared about the day she started to live with her heart open, and it was thirty-five years ago. 

Ma Elsie enjoyed the outdoors more than anyone else. She claimed that being outside allowed her to "see" beauty in a raw form. Many would wince, frown, or raise an eyebrow when hearing Ma Elsie use the verb "see" in the present tense while referring to herself. The fact was that Ma Elsie was in no position to contemplate the wonders she was so fond of. 

She was blind.

No one knew how long she's been like that, they could only tell that she was born with a complete vision because she had graphic memories to narrate from her youth. Her nephew was the one to reveal that the blindness was due to an untreated glaucoma.

Although she didn't like to admit it, Ma Elsie depended on her two nephews. One of them was a widow plagued with eternal grief, he was the one who decided to take her in. The other was abroad and offered financial support and occasional visits. Stanley, Ma Elsie's nephew, usually asked the neighbors to keep an eye on her and if they were kind enough, to keep her company. The old lady was not fortunate enough to go wherever she'd like, therefore she always felt lonely. The parents usually sent their kids since Ma Elsie enjoyed being around the younger generation. Unfortunately, this feeling was not mutual. The kids described her as "weird" and "lame". She was seen as weird because she could sense things. She always knew when a life was going to be added or withdrawn in Red Valley. Without specific dates, she could predict an oncoming funeral and wailing.

One day, a girl was sent to keep her company. Intrigued by her silence, Ma Elsie asked her why she wouldn't talk. She replied that she was thinking about a quote from the book she just read. 

" It says: 'It is only with the heart that one can see rightly.' I think they are talking about love," the girl shared with Ma Elsie.

The lady let out a satisfied smile and said, " Is loving the only thing that your heart can do?"

"I think so. When you give your heart to someone, it means you love them,"

"True. Have you ever believed something deep in your heart? Have you ever followed your heart? Have you ever tried to live with your heart open?"

The child was getting confused and replied, "I'm not sure,"

Ma Elsie smiled and said, "Of course. You are not there yet, but you're in the right track,"

The girl didn't see where Ma Elsie was coming from but out of politeness and in regards of the rumors she heard about her, she agreed.

"How old are you, kid?" The lady asked.

"Eleven and a half,"

"Your name?"

"Esther."

She laughed softly, "Esther. Elsie. Don't they sound just the same?"

"Yes, ma,am" It was politeness through and through.

"Come forward and guide my hand to your face," She then ordered to a confused Esther.

The child complied and guided Ma Elsie's right hand to her cheek. She then sat still, holding her breath as the hand wandered on her skin, tracing the outline of her mouth and eyes and settling on her forehead. After this day, Ma Elsie would ask specifically for her. The frequent visits eventually led her to be attached to the old lady. After all, she needed someone to listen to her and gave her undivided attention. She needed someone to need her. They both did.

When she asked Ma Elsie if she used to be an avid reader at a young age, she received a negative answer. The old lady confessed that she never knew how to read. She explained that she lived in a time when girls would stay at home to learn what women were so good at : care for someone other than themselves. Horrified and pained, Esther offered her support by vowing to read every book she finished to her. She carried that promise for the next few years, encouraged by Ma Elsie's involvement in every story. The lady related to Elizabeth from Pride and prejudice, cheered for Jo from Little Women and fell in love with Joseph from Breath, Eyes, and Memory.

As time stretched, their friendship evolved and deepened all the same. They became kindred, if not in blood but in spirit. In the moments of distress, Esther would only feel solace when she was resting her head on Ma Elsie's lap listening to her humming melodies that survived through ages. Only Esther was allowed to hold the lady's hand when she was reminiscing the dark moments of her past.

However, their relationship was put to test when Esther's visits became less frequent. She went from every other day to once a week, followed by once a month before settling on every once in a while. Ma Elsie didn't question nor complain. A woman of her age knew. Maybe she couldn't explain nor understand, but she knew. It also helped when she heard the rumors about Esther and the pastor's kid.

One day, Esther came to her, one hour after dawn. They sat in a long silence. Without beating around the bush, Ma Elsie said, "I feel something different in you. I feel a change, a big one."

"What do you mean?" she could hear and sense the fear emanating from the young girl.

"You've took a big step? Haven't you? You're a big girl now,"

Esther thought about what she did with Stephen the night before, "Don't you mean that I'm a woman now?"

Her voice took an eerie turn when she replied, "No, you're just a big girl."