With Your Heart Wide Open

Out of My League

"My parents tried to have a baby for three years before I came into this world. However, I learned that Mom felt a pang of disappointment because she wanted her only child to be a boy. My dad was happy nevertheless and would have spoiled me if it wasn't for Mom. For as long as I remember, he's always been scared of her. He had multiple chronic health issues and has been unemployed for a long time, thus he's been used to rely on my mom. Rumors said that he actually married her for a green card. I don't know if that's the actual reason but everyday, Mom would remind him why he got to stay in the country."

Jeremy interrupted to say," They stayed together, though. Maybe he actually had feelings for her."

"Maybe, but for my dad, loyalty is everything. He took his wedding vow seriously and would probably stayed with her even if it killed him,"

"Continue,"

"Since Mom did not have the chance to raise a boy as she always wished, she was determined to make me perfect. But, in her dictionary, perfection was defined as being similar to her. Therefore, she named me "Esther" because I was destined to shine, to be brilliant. She also gave me her first name as a middle name. A prediction that I would be like her,"

"What is the name?" Jeremy inquired.

"Dinah. My full name is Esther Dinah Marcelin,"

"Wait! So, your mom's name is Dinah Marcelin"

"Yeah. Why?"

"No reason," he replied but he seemed perplexed.

She continued, "Church was a huge part of Mom's life. Actually, church was her life. I was introverted as a kid and refused to joined the choir or any church-related group no matter how hard she tried. It created a breach between me and her. However, I was good at school and she took some pride out of it to show off at church,"

Jeremy asked, "Apart from that, how was your daily life with her? What was your relationship like?"

"She was icy and would only provide some warmth when I excelled at something. Therefore, I always felt like... like... I had to earn her... love,"

"How was your relationship with your dad?"

"Papa was my solace in all of this. He was adamant about my performance in school, but mostly cared about my happiness. He would buy me new dresses on every holiday, give me a sketchbook when I showed some interest in drawing, and couldn't stop worrying when I had no friends in high school. However, all these concerns came out only when Mom was not here. She would always accuse him of going soft on me. Since Mom always had the upper arm, he would be more strict or at least pretend to be whenever Mom was around.

I met Ma Elsie when I was a pre-teen. You might have heard of her l since you came here. She knows everyone and vice-versa. Our relationship grew from intellectual to spiritual. She was incredibly smart. And, for some reason, she enjoyed my company."

"That's nice and all, but when are you going to tell me about Aaliyah?" Jeremy asked.

"Be patient, Foster. I'm getting there,"

"Take your time,"

"Although Mom wanted me to be exactly like her, she also wanted me to have what she lacked. For some reason, she was not seen as attractive. As a result, she would always shame my appearance,"

"What do you mean?"

"She wanted me to have lighter skin. She would complain about my nappy hair. When I went through a growing spurt, she would say that I looked older than I was. She would even call me fat whenever a shirt no longer fitted me,"