You're My Home // Bucky Barnes// The Winter Soldier

Chapter 16

It's Friday now and tomorrow is supposed to be the day we go on the mission and I've been pretty on edge the whole day. I haven't really seen or spoken to Bucky since he cut his hair. He's either been with Shuri in the infirmary or working out. Apparently it would be helpful for him to start working out beforehand in case something happens and we'll need to fight our way out.
He's usually with Shuri in the morning which is when I'm working out and then he works out after which is when I'm usually done so we haven't really passed by each other.

Right now I've just been talking to Pepper in the kitchen eating dinner and telling her how nervous I am. There are very few people I tend to tell how I'm feeling when it feels like I'm carrying the world on my shoulders and Pepper is definitely one of them. She always knows what to say or helps me feel better when there is nothing you can say, even though at times I may not believe it she doesn't get tired of hearing me talk about what's bothering me and that's the the most important thing to me.

"I've told you a million times how strong and brave you are J," she says looking at me very seriously as I try to take in what she's saying. "I don't just say that, I believe it because I know you and everything you've gone through and you are so much more than you think you are."

I don't know why or how but I felt like tearing up. It just meant so much what she was saying and I know she means it but I hate myself in some way for not being able to see myself the way that she does. Sometimes I feel like that, even with Stacey when I'm ranting to her about something. She also does her best to make me feel better but no matter what she or anyone else says I know I could never truly believe them and that makes me so mad and sad. I feel like an annoying friend who asks for advice but never takes it and I could only imagine how frustrated they may feel with me by now.

"Thanks Pep," I say with a smile because I truly don't know what to say and I don't want her to start feeling tired of me and my annoying rants.

"You always tell me how much you look up to Tony over everything he's been through and how proud you are of him for how he cares for and helps others. Well J whether you see it or not, you are like Tony. You try to be so much like him when you already are somewhat like him. You both have been through so much and you both bounce back every time. You both care immensely for the people you love. You both are truly like one another and I think it's about time you see that in yourself and stop putting yourself down for not being like him because J...you already are," she says with a smile as I feel my eyes brimming with tears. "You are the best parts of Tony."

I never thought of it that way. I guess we are somewhat alike. I do care a lot for the people that I love and are closets to me, I would literally die for any of them and I know Tony would too.

"But also remember to be you, stop trying to be someone that isn't just yourself. You are an amazing person and you don't need to change."

I took in what she said and tried to see it from her perspective. I guess she's right in a way, I just think Tony is a great person and I would be lucky to be like him.

"With that being said, you are going to do great tomorrow...I know it. You just need to remember how strong and brave you are, how you can get through anything and that's how you'll get through tomorrow," she says with a smile grabbing my hand and lightly squeezing.

"What's going on in here?" Tony says walking in as I turn to wipe my eyes before he sees and teases me.

"I'm just talking to Jane and reassuring her that tomorrow is going to go smoothly," Pepper says with emphasis on "reassuring" and a smile on her face before letting go of my hand.

"You're still worried about that? Come on let's just take a moment and relax, we'll watch a movie."

"No..Tony I don't know," I say not really wanting to be around anyone.