You're My Home // Bucky Barnes// The Winter Soldier

Chapter 82

BUCKYS POV

I could barely sleep after that talk I had with Jane. I really can't seem to shut the fuck up.

You have to go and throw that in her face?!

God, I'm a dick.

I would go talk to her but I think I've done enough. As much as I want to spend the time I have with her, she's not ready to forgive me. I don't know if she ever will be but I won't force her to talk to me. I hope she just needs space. I would hate to leave on bad terms.

I gave up on texting her and asking if she was okay. She obviously doesn't want to talk.

I was feeling really frustrated with everything and there's only one way to get rid of my frustration.

**

I was breathing profusely by the time I was done and I heard a knock on the door.

"Hey," Steve says walking in.

I pull away from the punching bag and take off my gloves.

I didn't answer him, I'm not really in the mood for an 'I told you so' speech about how he knew this would happen and how it's all my fault.

"I'm sorry about Jane. Really, I am."

"Doesn't matter anymore," I say taking a drink from my water before laying down on the bench where I lift my weights.

My chest is rising up and down.

"She'll forgive you. I know she will."

"No, you're wrong."

He stepped up and sat on one of the chairs next to me.

"What you did wasn't your fault and I know she knows that too but about lying to her...," he says looking doubtful.

"I know," I say resting my head back.

"Maybe this way it'll be easier when you leave."

I get up abruptly.

"Really?"

"What?"

"You just think I should give up like that? And leave her? Are you that against us being together."

"Of course not Buck! But you have to go, it's what's best for the both of you."

I get up and walk across the room avoiding looking at him.

"I don't know, maybe in the future, when you're better you guys can work this out."

I laugh and make my way out until he calls my name.

"Bucky wait- I'm not against you guys. Your well-being is the most important and you're not getting any better. You need this, and I want to see you happy. The right way."

I walk out after that and head to my room to shower.

I couldn't deny that Steve was right. I wasn't really happy. Jane makes me happy but when I'm not with her I feel the same as I've always felt.

Like a monster. A killer.

I need to get better and I won't know when I truly feel okay if I'm always with her.

I got into my shower and made my decision. I'm going to tell Shuri that I accept and we'll leave tomorrow in the early morning.

*

I was finishing my note when I got a text message from Jane. I quickly opened my phone to see the worse thing I could possibly see. I felt like someone had ripped all the air from my chest. It's like when people say someone's ripped their heart out and stepped on it, yeah that but my lungs because after this I felt like I needed all the air in the world from what I just saw.