sʜᴏʀᴛ sᴛᴏʀɪᴇs [eng]

› 𝕗𝕦𝕔𝕜 ‹

CHARACTER :

ℂ𝕆ℝ𝕐

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So I put out my fists, and you mark
both my hands with little x's

that mean that I am
extra unsafe.

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Please. Please get up and do you homework.
It's important. Please.

Is what his mind was telling him all over again, while he was laying in his bed reading books and scrolling through social media - for the three hours he has been awake, he didn't move. He had homework that was important and needed to be finished until next week, he had to write at least five more e-mails to his teachers since they won't give him any work. He hated homeschooling, ever since it started a year ago. He was stuck at home, losing the structure of his life.

Normally his life was simply structured by getting up early, going to school, coming home, have lunch, do homework he rarely got and spent the rest of the day listening to music or going downtown with a friend, maybe cleaning his room from time to time.

During this on-going pandemic he fell apart.
He lost structure, lost reasons, lost friends and lost his mind at home.

He was lucky enough to at least have his cat by his side to comfort him in a simple way.

Some days he would be angry for no reason and everything would piss him off, other days he would do everything except his homework and then on some days he'd sit right in front of his work for hours without actually being able to complete them.

Cory was losing his mind.
While he tried to explain to his mother that he had issues, she wouldn't listen. She would always drop it with an answer like "That's not true." or "Stop with this nonsense."

He felt so lost after that.
He wanted to cry.

Was it so hard to recognize the struggling of a teenager? The struggling of your own child?

Of course it was.

Cory was a person who always thought every emotion except happiness is not allowed to be shown to others. Don't show anyone your vulnerable side. Crying is for the weak.

He always hid his emotions and kept in his anger for more than 8 years.

Anger was a bad emotion.
Anger led to discussions and later on led to fights.

Your opinion doesn't matter in this household as long as it doesn't fit your parents tastes.

Your behavior is unacceptable in this household as long as it doesn't fit your parents tastes.

Your outfits and looks aren't accepted as long as it doesn't fit your parents image of you.

Cory was done with being the perfect child his mother always wanted, yet it was so hard for him to say 'no'. When his mother asked him to do something that seemed like "fun" or "would be good for him" and he used that word, she'd always be pissed or upset and even disappointed.

Oh how he hated the face she made after he said 'no'.

In this pandemic, everything has been restricted and forbidden. His youth has been taken away from him, making every day harder to see a reason in finishing school, getting up or even getting dressed.

There wasn't one time he genuinely was happy, except when he was spontaneously able to meet his friend who lives in a different state than him. Of course there were smaller happy moments but most of the time he felt lost and unmotivated.

He knew he was mentally not stable at all yet he was way too afraid to speak up. He was hoping for a day where he could speak up and someone would listen and understand him.

He had his limits.
He bad reached his limits.

Yet, his parents don't seem to care.

His mind was only filled with question.

When can I escape this? When can I rest? Can't everything just stop? I need a fucking break. Why is it only me who feels like this? I can't keep going. Why is everything so hard and complicated? I don't want this anymore. Everything is ruined, everything is pointless.

Yesterday he thought he had a productive day, but he didn't finish his homework. He only took a shower, got dressed and walked the dog, cleaned up the kitchen and made food for his family.
Not productive at all. Just simple things.

He sighed and got up - finally after four hours - putting on the hoodie of his friend and grabbed his headphones. Another unproductive week was coming his way with probably six missing assignments.

God, how much he hated all of this.
His emotions were all closing in again, combining to one familiar feeling : anger.

Today was probably the day every little thing would piss him off, making him snap. He could already hear his parents annoying voice downstairs, making him angry.

I can't  fucking wait for summer vacations to come. I need a fucking break.