sʜᴏʀᴛ sᴛᴏʀɪᴇs [eng]

🅐🅛🅞🅝🅔

CHARACTER :

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⚠️TW : mentioning of suicide// hints of abuse⚠️

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"You aren't "depressed". You're just emotional and lazy."

“I am lazy? Do you know how hard it is for me to get out of bed for even just a shower? I'm forcing myself to get my 'lazy ass' out of my only safe place every god damn morning to go to school AND then come home to do more work! Because you were drinking all day! Our home looks like we're living on the fucking streets! I'm struggling to keep up in school! But i still have to take care of all our bills and I have to WORK to pay them because you spend EVERYTHING on alcohol! You're telling me i am not depressed? Do i have to hurt myself to be depressed? Do i have to try to kill myself to be depressed? I am scared of blood and I hate pain - but you're telling me i am not depressed? I am SCARED to die! I just want to stop this stress and all this suffering FOR MYSELF! I WANT TO FUCKING STOP EXISTING, I JUST WANT TO DISAPPEAR! I am keeping myself alive because of YOU. I AM LIVING FOR YOU! Because you didn't only lose Mum, you lost your job and have no motherfucking idea on how to get it together again! I pity you. I really do. Because you are so god damn miserable, I can't leave you. I AM A FUCKING KID, DAD! I should've spend my time focusing on school, spending time with friends and live! But instead I STILL come home from school, take care of the bills and the money; I spend my evenings worrying about what to eat for the next two weeks! I've been doing this for SEVEN YEARS! I don't have any time for anything and I can't even learn for school! I AM SUFFERING BECAUSE OF YOU! I DON'T WANT TO END UP LIKE YOU BUT I WILL PROBABLY LIVE ON THE STREETS BEFORE I EVEN FINISH SCHOOL! My dream was it to leave Russia with both of you, to live a life we deserve; i wanted to be the top student of my school, go to college and study psychology to help children with serious mental illnesses. If that wouldn't have worked, i would've gone to the CSI. I had fucking dreams, dad. But you ruined everything i ever planned for myself. I should've been sheltered by you, you should've lead me to the right path. You should've taken care of me. Instead, I took care of you ever since i was 9. YOU should get it together, not me. Because maybe even today, the next time you will ever see me again, is at my motherfucking funeral in a fucking coffin.”

Is what he wanted to tell his father who was sitting on the table with a bottle of whiskey. But Beyan just kept quiet and went to his room, throwing himself on the bed.

"i want to sleep. forever."

Tears started to form in his eyes.

"This is just too much for me..."

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He wasn't only late for class, no, he also didn't do his assignments. A great start for school, right? Beyan sat down near the window and tried his best to listen to the teacher. But somehow his brain was slowly shutting down and he just sat there to stare out of the window when two birds caught his attention. So many thoughts went through his mind while he was dozing off, getting lost in his own world. Suddenly someone kicked his chair, which startled him.