sʜᴏʀᴛ sᴛᴏʀɪᴇs [eng]

𝚑𝚊𝚕𝚏 𝚕𝚘𝚟𝚎 - 𝚑𝚊𝚕𝚏 𝚛𝚎𝚐𝚛𝚎𝚝

character: tōya

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i feel so lost at this point.

i don't know what to do anymore.

i want to leave.

i keep myself from crying ever since, but it is useless, since i still feel the tight knot in my throat and the throbbing pain in my chest.

i laugh everything off, i laugh right into their face, yet they never seems to notice.

god, i am thankful that my toxic shelter made me a good actor, just like the people around me.

there's a certain distance between us that they decided to maintain since i arrived.

there's so much space.

i feel like we were closer before and now with every word we exchange when we meet, when we look at each other, everything seems painful.

i am sorry that i can't give you what you need in this time, i'm sorry i am such a boring yet annoying person.

i wanna cry, scream, disappear and leave you, since that seems to be what you want from me.

i tried to make you look at me, smile at me and enjoy your time with me, but how did i fail so miserably?

i don't feel like trying anymore.

i just wanna sit and listen to music, i want to enjoy your company, but you don't seem to be enjoying mine.

is my being a disturbance to you?

did you want me to leave you?

you cried, saying you need some distraction, but when i offered it to you, i didn't realize that it wasn't me who could have helped you with it.

why do i feel these emotions so deeply while you sit next to me, distracting yourself somehow, while i sit and don't even dare to look at you because i would become a crying mess, making you feel bad?

i didn't know i could feel this low when i am with you, shaking and crying, wishing to get wasted and the desire to hurt myself.

why couldn't i be enough for you even on a platonic basis, as a friend?

was i never enough?

i don't know what to do.

you're all i have left.

please.

i can't do this anymore.
what went wrong?

i'm so annoyed.
i want to die.

i'm sorry.

everything's messed up.

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