Pandemonium | Dream SMP

30. I'm thirsty.

"What's going on here?" I question, unsure whether to be concerned or delighted to see Fundy in the office. The last I saw of him was when he walked off stage with Niki after losing to Schlatt. Could Schlatt have dragged him here to rub it in? It wouldn't be the first time he's done such a thing.

"Fundy said he wanted to join the cabinet," George replies, his eyes focused down on the paperwork scattered between him and Quackity. They look like files for a building plan.

"Freaking furry," Quackity mutters, making his thoughts on the foxes collaboration very clear.

"I see..."

Leaving them to finish their work I approach Schlatt's desk, where he and Fundy have a large map spread out in front of them, weighed down in the corners by empty glasses of protein shakes. How many has Schlatt had since I left?

"Sir," I greet, stopping and peering over at the map. It's of the SMP, with notes scribbled next to various buildings. A large, black line outlines where L'Manburg should be with its tall walls overlooking the ocean.

"Hm? Ah! Ares!" He grins sharply, leaning back into his leather chair. "Guess who just became an official member of my cabinet?"

I glance over to Fundy, who straightens under my gaze and gives a small, awkward smile. His tail starts to wag.

"Hi, uh- Ares." He says, inclining his head politely. "It looks like we'll be working together from now on."

"Yes...I suppose we will." I return his greeting with a slightly bewildered look. This is all very out of the blue. Doesn't he despise Schlatt for banishing Wilbur from the country? For stealing his spot as president? That's how Niki feels, so shouldn't he?

"Ha! If only Wilbur could be here to see this!" Schlatt cackles, slapping a hand against the desk. Tubbo jumps, startled, but Fundy seems unfazed by the man's ruckus behaviour and simply gives an eager grin, flashing his pointed teeth. "If I hadn't kicked him out of the country then I'd have him dragged in here just to see the look on his face. I think I'm going to enjoy having you around, fox boy."

"Thank you, sir!" Fundy beams.

I cock my head, genuinely confused. Is Fundy actually getting along with Schlatt? This is almost as weird as when Quackity first met him.

"We'll have to do something about that uniform, though." Schlatt hums thoughtfully, a hand to his chin. "Why is it so...childish? What fuckin' colour is that? Baby blue?"

Fundy pulls at his blue blazer, the uniform of L'Manburg. I don't think I've ever seen him out of it except for when he donned his suit for the election. I frown at Schlatt's comment. I like the blue on Fundy. It pairs perfectly with his orange fur.

The horned man clicks his fingers as if suddenly coming up with an idea. "I got it! Suits! Everyone can wear a suit! You look better in a suit anyway."

Tubbo pouts and tugs at the sleeve of his blazer.

"But I like my uniform..."

Schlatt sends the boy a dangerous look and he flinches away.

"I- I mean I love suits! They're so formal, and- and business appropriate-!"

Schlatt raises a hand and Tubbo immediately bites his tongue.

"A suit sounds like an excellent idea, sir. It only makes sense for everyone in the cabinet to wear one." Fundy responds smoothly, like a knife through hot butter. It has my eyebrows shoot up onto my forehead. I thought he only knew how to make awkward comments and cute stutters.

"Yes, I like the sound of that." Schlatt hums, his gaze wandering from Fundy to land on me. He smirks, and I feel his eyes roam up and down my frame as if undressing me in his head. Knowing his lewd mind he probably is.

Wait.

I'm a cabinet member, too.

"If you're imagining me in a pencil skirt, then I'm afraid I'll have to disappoint you," I state, folding my arms and propping my weight onto one leg. "Heels are a no, too. They are impractical."

"Tch. Fuckin' buzz kill." He grumbles. "Fine, you can wear a pantsuit like everyone else. You make whatever you wear look sexy, anyway."

"I will take that as a compliment."

Fundy coughs awkwardly and directs his attention to the window. His tail has bushed out again, and I'm sure I detect some redness to his ears. Is he blushing? Then again, the conversations Schlatt and I share are usually crude and intimate. They'd make any normal person blush, or at least feel embarrassed. I just talked to him the way I normally would. I'm not used to there being other people around to hear our words.

"I'm thirsty," Schlatt announces. Totally out of the blue.

"Another protein shake, sir?" Fundy offers quickly, his smooth voice once again catching me off guard.

"Eh, I want a smoothie. Something disgustingly healthy."

"Coming up, sir! I'll use every vegetable I can find!"

Schlatt chuckles to himself as the fox jogs from the room, off to find the kitchen.

"I like him. He's a good one." The horned man hums, his face crinkled in bemusement. "Now I see why you like him, Ares."

I sigh, "I believe it was you who said that he liked me, sir."

"That too. That too."

I shake my head.

"You're insufferable, sometimes."

"And you're fuckin' hot. What are you going to do about it?" He quips back slyly.

"I'm uncomfortable," Tubbo whispers to himself.

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Short chapter, sorry not sorry. I struggle. Next chapter be better.

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Thanks shu_ting_star for your cool piece! I like to describe it as a comic book cover.