Pandemonium | Dream SMP

29. I'm glad I have you as a friend.

"What are you doing?" I question, closing the gap in small steps, my eyes roaming over Niki and her heavily-packed horse. I don't think I've ever seen her with a horse before. Did she borrow it from someone?

"Just...just going for a ride." She smiles, her voice a little shaky.

I nod, and reach a hand out to place against the horse's snout, its hot breath fanning my palm.

"Well, I should be going." Niki reaches up to take a hold of the horse's saddle, but her foot keeps missing the stirrup as she tries to pull herself up. She doesn't look very steady. Has she not ridden a horse before?

"You okay there?" I chuckle, "need a leg up?"

"Oh, no, no, I'm fi-ah!" Her hands slip from the saddle right as she makes another attempt to jump up.

In a flash I'm at her back, hands at her waist, keeping her upright. The horse, spooked by my sudden movement, snorts loudly and kicks dirt up beneath a hoof.

"Thank-thank you." She clears her throat awkwardly, and steps out from my grasp.

"Are you sure you should be riding?" I question, concerned. "You seem a little...jittery."

Niki turns away and places a hand to the horse's neck, entangling her fingers into its dark mane. "Can I ask you something, Ares?"

"Of course. Anything."

"Why do you support Schlatt?"

My expression drops. Why is she bringing up something like this? Is it because of the election? Is she angry at Schlatt? Could...could she be angry at me?

I rub at my arm. What can I say to make her feel better?

That familiar tingle starts up between my shoulder blades again, like an itch I can't scratch. It's uncomfortable.

"It's...a little complicated," I say. "But if I were to say my original cause. It's because I owe him. I owe him a lot, Niki."

"I see..." She slides her hand away from the horse and turns to look over her shoulder at me. Her expression is sad, but also pitying. Regretful, even. "You wanted to know where I was going? Truth is I want to find Wil and Tommy. I want to make sure they're okay. I think Schlatt was wrong to banish them. I...I want to help them in any way I can, Ares. Even if it gets me in trouble." Her eyes drop momentarily to her feet before glancing back up to me. "Are you...going to try and stop me?"

I take a deep breath, considering my options.

Of course, the obvious answer is yes. I want to stop her. Not from finding Wilbur and Tommy, but from getting involved in this mess. I want Niki to continue living her best life, here, baking cakes and bread and doing yoga in her front room. Doing yoga with me... But if I tell her that then she'll resent me for keeping her from her friends, and for siding with Schlatt whom she clearly resents for banishing Wilbur and Tommy.

It's clear the response I should make, even if it's probably not the one I want to be making. As Schlatt's friend and Secretary of Defense, I should tell her to keep her distance from the banished individuals.

"If that's what you think you should do, then I won't get in your way," I say softly, offering a small smile of my own.

Niki's face crumples, and I find myself being hugged by the shorter woman. It's warm, and I happily return the embrace.

"Thank you for understanding, Ares. I'm glad I have you as a friend."

My heart sinks a little at those words.

A friend?

If only she knew how much I like her. How much I've come to love her small smiles and quiet giggles. Her soft voice and determination. But expressing my feelings to her now won't help any of us. It's clear she isn't in the mindset to be thinking about relationships. With everything Schlatt's been doing - and plans to do - it wouldn't be fair to burden her with my feelings. Right now she needs a friend. Nothing more and nothing less. And if me being that friend makes her happy, then I can do just that. Even if it makes me sad...