Pandemonium | Dream SMP

31. You never know when you might drop dead.

"Are you sure there's nothing going on between you two?"

"I'm sorry?" I look up from the mug of coffee I've just poured, steaming and smelling of bitter heat. It's been a while since I last had time to make myself a cup of black joe.

"You and fur boy." Schlatt elaborates, taking a seat at the marble counter of the White House kitchen. He has a bowl of cereal in his hands, despite it being well into the evening. I'm struck with the nostalgia of when we held a conversation in the Community House, just like this. "You couldn't take your eyes off of him today. And he seemed just as interested in you. You two aren't secretly fucking behind my back, are ya?"

I blink slowly at the horned man, processing the scenario he'd just suggested.

"'Cause if you are," he continues, not bothering to wait for a reply as he shovels a spoon of milky cereal into his mouth, "I'm totally cool with it. It's about time you had some fun. Let off some steam. Y'know? You've earned it. Though I have to say your choice in men is questionable."

I stare blankly at the man, at a complete loss for words. Yes, I have been staring at Fundy all day, but not because we have some intimate secret that can't be spoken aloud. I'm trying to figure out what his reasoning behind joining Schlatt is. If he's like Tubbo and just using the position of power to give Wilbur and Tommy an advantage, or if he's like Quackity, and genuinely wants to make L'Manburg a better place with Schlatt as its president. He's spent the entire day following every command Schlatt has given him, no matter how absurd. And he did it all with an eager smile.

Either he's a brilliant actor, or he sees something genuinely awe-inspiring in Schlatt.

"It's my job to assess if someone is a threat to you," I explain carefully, raising the mug in my hands, "and Fundy seemed worthy of that assessment. That doesn't mean we're... fucking."

"Would you like to be?"

I inhale deeply through my nose, calming myself. I grip the coffee mug tighter, welcoming its burning touch to my skin as a distraction. What is happening right now?! Schlatt's always hated the idea of me being in a relationship. So why is he being so creepily supportive now?! Didn't he just say last week that I wasn't allowed to be with anyone? That I was his?

"What is happening right now?" I voice my thoughts aloud, my eyes closed.

"Eh? Y' mean it isn't obvious? I'm trying to hook you up!" Schlatt responds.

I pinch the space between my eyes. "I know that! You've made it more than clear you want me to get laid! But why? Why now? And why are you being so creepy about it?"

He shrugs, "I'm president now, hot stuff. I have the power to do whatever the hell I want. I guess you could say it's given me a new perspective on life. That I should have fun while I can." He points his spoon at me, "That includes you, too. You should have fun while you have the time and power to do it. These are dangerous times, Ares. You never know when you might drop dead." He chuckles in amusement. "Besides, it's not like you're going to form any serious bonds with anyone other than me. You know we're special, right? We share something deeper than simple affections. Something beyond the flesh. You remember, don't you?"

"Of course I remember." I frown, offended that he'd even suggest I may have forgotten our first meeting. The day he saved me, not just in body, but soul. "It's just strange, is all. Hearing you be so...supportive."

"What can I say? I'm a very generous man." He smirks.

"And so humble, too." I hum with a roll of my eyes. I bring the coffee to my lips and finally take a sip. My mind wanders to Schlatt's words. He may have been wrong about my intentions, but what about Fundy? Why was he staring at me so much? Could he have realised that I was studying him? But the look on his face wasn't one of nervousness. It was embarrassment. Bashfulness. If Schlatt misunderstood my staring then maybe he did too? Did he...did he think I was checking him out?