Pandemonium | Dream SMP

300k Special

"If North is this way, then South should be this way...but wasn't this place East?" You twist the map around in your hands, the worn paper crinkling beneath your fingers. "What do you think, Honk?"

You turn to the large horse grazing just a few feet away, its saddle laden with bags and bedrolls. A single, red ribbon laces its messy blonde mane.

When Honk shows no signs of acknowledgement, your lips pucker out into a pout.

"Fine then. I don't need your help anyway."

Readjusting the map, your eyes return to roaming the roughly drawn landscapes. For the last month, you've been trekking across desert plains and sunflower fields, all in search of a jungle temple. You're an explorer, and a damned good one, too. But last week you broke your compass, and lost a shoe, and then fell off Honk when he decided he wanted to stop and eat grass.

"I miss my bed," you mumble, folding the map away and tucking it into a pocket on your coat. You've really not been having a good month. It's like bad luck has followed after you and your horse since starting this journey. Could you have been cursed at that last pyramid you looted?

Oh god, it's all making sense. You were totally cursed with bad luck! I final "fuck you" from the tomb of that dead guy you robbed.

A small 'thunk' of an arrow hitting a tree, just off to your left, all but confirms your fears.

"Guess this is where I die." You concede with a tired sigh.

Opening your arms and tilting your head back, you close your eyes and wait for a fork of lightning to strike you down.

Instead, you hear footsteps jog towards you, crunching against the foliage.

Ah. Has God sent an advocate to finish the job?

The footsteps stop, and you scrunch your eyes tighter, waiting for the finishing blow.

And you wait...

And wait.

You think you stand like that for almost five minutes.

Growing bored, you peek open an eye, wondering if this advocate is just very slow at their job.

"Pffft-" you slap a hand to your mouth to hold back a laugh.

There's a dude in a reindeer onesie staring at you, his head cocked to the side in confusion. In his right hand, he clutches a wooden bow, but has no quiver strapped to his back. He couldn't look any less threatening if he tried.

You clear your throat, your lips twitching as they fight back a smile. "Uh- Hi there? Were you sent by God?"

The man cocks his head to the other side. He doesn't say anything.

"Okay then..."

A new voice, unmistakably female, calls out from the trees so suddenly it has you jump. "Callahan? Are you okay? Did you find your arrow?"

A woman pushes her way past a bush and into the little grass clearing you stand in with the reindeer man, who you assume must be Callahan. Odd name.

She stops just short of the male, her lips parting to say something, when they suddenly clamp shut upon seeing you.

Your reaction isn't much better.

"God really is a woman." You mutter, unable to fathom the beauty stood before you. You weren't aware you could even feel attraction this strong to a complete stranger. But this woman before you is ticking every box on your list.

Long, blonde hair braided smoothly over a shoulder. Large, doe eyes with heavy lashes that obscure a pair of soft blue orbs that remind you of the sea and skies. Her physique, too, is dangerously appealing. Slim hips and breasts give way to what can only be described as soft muscle, just barely peeking out from beneath a sunny-yellow top.