Pandemonium | Dream SMP

60. Liar.

I stare at Fundy, trying desperately to hide my amalgamation of emotions. It feels like I've just been hit with a truck. My insides have been scrambled.

This isn't my first breakup. Not by any means. But it's certainly the first one that's taken me by complete surprise.

My grip tightens on Fundy's, suddenly aware that this might be the last time I can hold his hand.

"Can I ask why?" I say after a few seconds of swallowing the lump in my throat.

I can only think of one reason for such a sudden breakup, and that's my kiss with Dream. Did the bastard tell him when I wasn't looking? But Fundy doesn't strike me as a person to act on the spur of the moment. Surely he would have come to talk to me first before taking Dream's word.

Dream lies, after all.

"It's...not you. It's me." Fundy mumbles. He's refusing to look me in the eye.

I blink.

What? What does that mean? Is this not over the kiss? Is there some other fault I wasn't aware of in our relationship?

"That's not possible," I try to give a comforting smile, but it probably just looks pained. "You're nothing short of perfect, Fundy. How could the problem be you? If anything it's me-"

"No, it is me. I'm not right for you, Ares. It took me a while to realise it, but now that I've seen it, it's all I can think about. Ever since Schlatt..."

Schlatt? Wait, is he talking about the kiss with Schlatt?

"Are you talking about when I kissed Schlatt? Fundy, you know that wasn't romantic, right? It was just to get him to drink the potion."

His fingers squeezing mine have me fall quiet.

"I know, of course I know. But that didn't stop it from hurting any less. You didn't even hesitate, y'know? You were so caught up in making him better that you didn't even consider how I would feel seeing it. I'm not mad at you for doing it, I'm just mad at myself for wishing you didn't."

Fundy sighs sadly and my heart twinges with pain. This all feels so surreal. Are we really about to end this?

"I guess that what I'm trying to say is, even though we're the ones dating, I somehow feel like I'm a third wheel in your relationship with Schlatt. Isn't that weird?"

He chuckles awkwardly and rubs at his arm, slipping his hand from mine.

"No, I...I understand what you mean. My relationship with him isn't exactly a normal one. It's complicated and messy and painful. But it's one that I need to hang onto." I explain slowly, quietly. "Schlatt is the one person I can never let go of, even if I wanted to. I'm sorry that it's made you feel that way. Nobody should feel like an outsider in their own relationship."

He shakes his head, "no, I should have said something before now, but you've been so busy, and honestly, even if I did say something, it's not the sort of problem that can be fixed overnight. You're pretty devoted to him, you know that? He's lucky to have someone so loyal by his side. I guess I'm just foolish for hoping you would see me the same way you see him."

"No, don't say that," I state suddenly, grabbing Fundy's hands in mine. He starts at the unexpected action and the sudden hard gleam to my eyes. "Schlatt is not a man you want to be like, do you understand? You are exactly who you need to be, Fundy. You don't need anyone's recognition or attention to be happy. You just need to be happy with who you are; a kind, loving, sensitive person that has done nothing but bring me joy in the time that I've known you. So please never say you want to be someone else, especially Schlatt. We're all different and strange for a reason. Do you understand? Change is not always a good thing."