Just trying to be normal

Chapter 20

A/N: TW: Suicidal thoughts. It's throughout the whole chapter so if you get triggered I would suggest skipping this chapter
===============================

Today Lee has a soccer game after school so I'm on my own for a few hours. I dragged along the school hallways as I finally reached my locker.

I started trying to unlock it but my hands were so shaky. I got frustrated after awhile of trying to open it with the code.

My hands wouldn't stop shaking, my tics making me even more tired than I already was, and my mind getting the best of me

I roughly put my hands in the pockets of my jeans and looked down. I started kicking the little dust bits on the floor as I thought

We're so tired.
Just give up for awhile.
Close your eyes and don't come back.
Lifes better if you give up and just let your body rest for the rest of eternity.
You'll be healed there.
Where ever there is

I wanted to listen but I had to keep fighting. Not again. Should I tell Lee? I promised her I would tell her if I ever thought like that again, but I only promise because I thought I would never think like that again.

She'll be crushed if I told her.

"Hey Knox whats got you upside down" I turned to see Robin, my twin, and Rexon.

"You feeling ok bud? Take your medicine?" Rexon said coming to my side looking me over. I sighed and nodded

"I'm just tired. Between school, football, my tics, and *tic* medication, it's taking a lot out of me" I sighed again as I ran my fingers through my now longer hair

"Maybe you should go home then Knoxy" Keni said coming to me and just holding me. I squeezed my arms around him tighter as I just let myself rest

"I can't I have to be front row*tic* for Lee" I said

"She'll understand sissy" he whispered to me as he rubbed my head

He's always been such a great brother. I wouldn't be able to live without him.

I tried pulling away because I felt like I was bothering him but, he wouldn't let me "Stop, sister. Just rest you're not bothering me." He always knew me better than I knew myself

I had been ticking a lot today and it kind of hurt. I wasn't physically doing anything to hurt myself but they just hurt. My body was sore, my joints ached, and I could barely keep anything down.

Heck, if I knew any better I would think I was pregnant. Could I be?

Nahhh that impossible.

Would you shut up,fool. You're not pregnant. Stop thinking that

I thought to myself

"Keni, Rex, Robin?" I mumbled into my brothers shirt

"Yeah?" They said in unison

"Thanks" I said. I could feel warmth engulf me as I felt multiple hands rubbing my back

I can't do it. I can't leave the people who show me just how much they love me, without me. It was selfish.

"Guys I have to tell you something*tic*. It's not fair that I don't seek help." My face flushed as a lump in my throat formed

I tried pulling away from Keni again to look him in his eyes "No don't you dare pull away from me. I know...I know...I know." He let a shake breath out as he held me tighter

"You'll fight it Knox. You're not going to go through this again. I know you're tired bud, but just hang on." He said

We all just held on to eachother, nobody was around, it was quite. All you could hear were my sniffles.