No strings attached

Pt.26- Ruined

That question kept ringing in his head over and over mockingly, like a forbidden mantra. He'd prepared himself for anything but this. This simply wasn't how things were supposed to go.

Worst case scenario was they were supposed to call it quits and move on with their lives because any possibility of them ever being friends was severed the day they laid in bed together- the first day they met. Now, instead of saying goodbye, the elder was asking him out.

He didn't know if that was something he wanted. The few days that they spent away from each other made him think about himself for once, made him question if what he was feeling was a genuine sentiment.

But after all that time, he still couldn't answer.

"You just claimed you didn't know why you said you loved me, now you're asking me out? Have you thought through anything that you're saying?" The younger male asked skeptically, a frown on his face.

"I thought through things well enough to know that I want you to be my boyfriend. I like you."

"You liked me well enough to fuck me, not be my boyfriend. Plus you said it yourself; you don't do dating and neither do I so why are you asking me out?"

Kirishima looked down, momentarily dejected. He had said that. In fact, he was the one who'd told the other not to catch feelings because they were to remain fuck buddies and not anything else. Now he was trying to change things up again, never taking into account how the man in front of him felt. "I realized that being fuck buddies isn't a sure way to keep you by my side. I like you, and if I can't have all of you- I don't want you at all."

"What are you saying?"

"I didn't think any further elaboration was needed but very well." He met Yokozawa's eyes and held his gaze evenly. "If we remain being fuck buddies- I'll never be able to have all of you. I might have your body, but I'll never have your heart, and I'm a selfish man so I want all of you. If I can't have that, then I don't want anything to do with you anymore. To be with you, but not be able to keep you isn't something I want."

"I-I don't understand. You were the one who wanted things that way. Why are you being like this towards me? You expect me to make a decision based solely on what you've decided?"

"Well, what do you want?"

"I-I don't know."

"I do. I want to be with you, but if that's not something you want then I'm afraid we have to end things here. Like I said, I can't be with you and know you'll never feel the same way towards me. So I need you to make a decision."

Yokozawa fidgeted anxiously. They were in the middle of a park and he was being left to make such a huge decision.

He liked Kirishima. There was no doubt about it. At first the man annoyed him, made him resent who he was because they were polar opposites but as the days turned into weeks, and the weeks turned into months, he started becoming accustomed to him. He had never treated him poorly, so he couldn't use that as an excuse or motive to dislike him. Put blunt, Kirishima was the only person who'd taken the time and try and get to know him despite his cruel nature.

Kirishima was the only one who'd ever shown him such kindness. Did he really want to lose that? Was being boyfriend's that much different from what they were doing?

It was the unknown that worried him.

Would the elder start expecting more things from him? Would he want him to change?

Nothing was certain.

Nothing was promised.

"I'm not changing for you or for anyone."